I can't believe it's been 32-days since i've written on here.
The truth is that I haven't wanted to write out the things that have been taking up space in my brain this past month.
Instead I have been talking about them with the appropriate sources that can help me deal with these thoughts, like our counselor & our core support group, all of whom I couldn't be more grateful for. I owe you my sanity.
I might be exhausted, but I also feel really thankful. I see growth when I look back to where I was a year ago, but it's not in the ways that I would have thought I would have grown. In my head, I see it like a pretty weed poking thru a crack in the cement- this weird combination of pesky and beautiful. Not perfect, but nonetheless, something miraculous.
I think to sum up the lessons of the 2010 in the tiniest, neatest, most polite way possible... I would have to tell you that I have learned that sticking to my (our) guns is really freaking painful. And lonely. But also absolutely necessary. And i'm glad that it's this 'thing' that we continue to pour all of our energy into (lately), even tho somedays it's a knock-down-drag-out-fight.
Slowly, i'm seeing this couple that we are, evolving into something that is even just a teensy bit better than what we were.
It's silly to admit, but i kind of feel like i'm holding my breath til midnight on December 31st... and then somehow i feel like a little load will come off my back when the new days brings a clean slate, and a TON of hope for a better year.
And let me tell you, my hopes for 2011 are extreeemmely HIGH.
An honest list of areas where I want to see growth at the end of 2011 coming soon:)
