I can't believe it's been 32-days since i've written on here.
The truth is that I haven't wanted to write out the things that have been taking up space in my brain this past month.
Instead I have been talking about them with the appropriate sources that can help me deal with these thoughts, like our counselor & our core support group, all of whom I couldn't be more grateful for. I owe you my sanity.
I might be exhausted, but I also feel really thankful. I see growth when I look back to where I was a year ago, but it's not in the ways that I would have thought I would have grown. In my head, I see it like a pretty weed poking thru a crack in the cement- this weird combination of pesky and beautiful. Not perfect, but nonetheless, something miraculous.
I think to sum up the lessons of the 2010 in the tiniest, neatest, most polite way possible... I would have to tell you that I have learned that sticking to my (our) guns is really freaking painful. And lonely. But also absolutely necessary. And i'm glad that it's this 'thing' that we continue to pour all of our energy into (lately), even tho somedays it's a knock-down-drag-out-fight.
Slowly, i'm seeing this couple that we are, evolving into something that is even just a teensy bit better than what we were.
It's silly to admit, but i kind of feel like i'm holding my breath til midnight on December 31st... and then somehow i feel like a little load will come off my back when the new days brings a clean slate, and a TON of hope for a better year.
And let me tell you, my hopes for 2011 are extreeemmely HIGH.
An honest list of areas where I want to see growth at the end of 2011 coming soon:)
It's been impossible for me to post since I came back and I think it's for the same reason. I probably won't until I go back to Chile. I don't want to bring people down with my negative thoughts. However your blog always makes my day so you can't stop posting! I love you! Happy new year miss!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I've had a little peek into your brain and I understand why you haven't posted for a month...the reason you haven't posted for over a month is NOT the same reason I haven't posted for a month...I'm not liking the new "format" of downloading pictures on BLOGGER. I don't know if its our O.L.D. computer or what, but it takes forever to upload very many pictures...I get frustrated and say "forget it"...but everyone else does it, so I'm thinking its our very old, decrepit, slow computer thats causing me angst! But it sure is a whole lot easier to do it on Facebook! Why???????? Oh Dear! Can't wait to see you next week. It's more than exciting!
ReplyDeletewell Maybe you can't believe it's been 32 days, but I've been counting. ;) Just kidding. I miss your posts though. Glad you've got different outlets though, for your sake.
ReplyDeleteAHH yes. I know what you mean by 'holding your breath'..cuz somehow thats how I was feeling..so much so I couldn't take it anymore so I slept til 5 minutes before. Wow go me & my lameness! can you believe it's 2011!? I was just getting used to 2010. Crazy. happy New year my dear..I hope this year is a good one for you guys..and me too. :) Oh and my personal hope-- is that 2011 somehow brings us together a whole lot more :). Love you like crazy my dear. <3
2011 is destined for greatness, and in all of the ways that we hope love;)
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