stupid lesson #391

do not read stuff, do not ask people about, do not allow people to tell you things, do not search out, do not be in the same places as..... THINGS YOU KNOW GOOD & WELL ARE JUST GOING TO MAKE YOU UPSET! 

hmmm. sounds like a no brainer huh? 

sadly it's taken me a long time to realize to just leave the big rocks at the beach that you know have creepy crabs dwelling under them well enough alone- (so to speak - not so much in the literal sense). i mean if you know they are there... let them be! ignore them! no need to lift the rock just because your curious. because friends, let's face it, curiosity killed the kitty & it could very well be the death of me also, i am tellin you what.  confirmation is not comforting in this case.   

mean people suck

"no one can make you feel badly about yourself without your permission" -a quote i constantly have to come back to.  thanks to whoever recorded those lovely words from eleanor.  now if i could just bring mrs. roosevelt back from the dead to give me the 411 on assertiveness.... that would be wonderful.  until then... i'll sulk & eat pizza=-) 

"ooooh i like it!"

i totally just got rewarded for venting.  i was poster-hunting online (call it retail therapy...) looking for THIS awesome poster & i came across this quote: sometimes God calms the storm... sometimes He lets the storm rage & He calms His child. i like it!

your daily dose of all things sunny & rosy

having a human nature is TOTALLY overrated.  & OTHER people acting out because of their human natures? don't even get me started on how awesome that is!

MY EVIE & MY AIDAN!!!!!

just got these pix in my inbox & they are making me so happy - yet SO sad!  i bought this puppy costume for aidan one random day.... we were bored & so we went to goodwill & i bought him all these dress-up clothes.  evie had all these princess outfits so i figured he needed his own collection=)  & he wore this one for halloween!  i realized i'm a little biased........... buuuuuuuuuuuuut have you seen a cuter kitty or puppy than these two lately!? 

a bit of nostalgia

my mom sent me this awesome email about aprons & i love it!  i even have my own little retro apron that i like to wear from time to time. 

I don't think our kids know what an apron is. The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, because she only had a few & it was easier to wash aprons than dresses, and they used less material. But along with that…
-It served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.
-It was wonderful for drying children's tears & and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.
-From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
-When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
-And when the weather was cold grandma wrapped it around her arms.
-Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.
-Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
-From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
-In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.
-When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
-When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the menfolk knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that 'old-time apron' that served so many purposes.
REMEMBER:
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool... Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw

we love ourselves some holiday inns!

never judge a book by it's cover- or a hotel by it's star-rating. stayed at an awesome holiday inn that was only rated 2-stars.  had the best time!

CARE BEAR & ANNA BANANA REPUBLIC!

my boss lady, carrie graduated from UF so she's a big gator's fan & she was going to be at the game- so we decided to meet up after the game.  always fun times to see the "non-working" side of people & also meet each other's significant others & just be girly! 

go blue & orange

what is it about screaming at the top of your lungs with 90,000 other people that is just so darn exhilirating?!  it was a sold-out game- there was so many people- it was nuts & we loved it!

this is gator country!

just 20-minutes out of town lives a stretch of road known as highway 100 - which takes us to a little college town called gainesville - also known as home of the gators.  this road gives a little taste of home- patches of open space - fields - stillness - just the sound of the wind when the windows are rolled down - parked tractors - cows grazing lazily...it invites feelings of euphoria & nostalgia in one wonderful little ball of awesomeness.     

whatcha say??

today was one of those oh so deceiving days that start out unexpectedly wonderful & then bam! you find yourself crying with your head against the dryer in the back hall closet of a gym wondering what just happened. 

i put up all these strategically placed walls to protect my heart & someone found a secret entrance that i didn't know wasn't guarded. & they got in. & those protective walls? they came tumbling down like i hadn't been laboring over them at all.  & they just weren't supposed to do that. 

so you find yourself confronting misunderstandings, not able to stop the tears. it seems the more words are spoken, the more tears flow.  it's one of those unique experiences where you're powerless to stop someone from seeing your raw pain & it's out there as plainly as if you'd ripped your beating heart out & handed it to them... & they can either walk away or they can.... 

hug you/apologize to you/talk to you/hug you again/talk more & then everything is ok.  so feeling exhuasted but thankful for acceptance & the endless chances given to us, as humans, to be resilient & start over fresh once again, not just with each other, but ourselves too.

& even better? a text message sent to let zane know i needed a hug when i came home & there he is standing at the top of stairs waiting for me with open arms.... reminding me at the end of the day... if i have nothing else in the world- i have my truelove on my side & that makes me feel oh-so lucky.   

what i've been waiting for

another birthday means: more pictures, more stories, more ways to get to know who landon is becoming. i live for these.

love thy neighbor

"giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back.  don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart, but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours."  unknown.

this came from an email sent to me by my mom. it's something i want to learn.

my first personal training session

....is tomorrow.  i'm crossing my fingers that my trainer doesn't find out i stood by & watched mike fill the socks he left behind with dirt & peanut butter... or i might not be able to walk on tuesday.... which also happens to be my first day at banana republic.  my new nickname at the gym by the way is "anna banana republic." ha=-)

walk: part II

our neighbors yard was looking especially beautiful to me this morning - wild & messy & colorful & beautiful.  z & i talked about some thoughts i'd been having on our way home.  some battles with my human nature.  we talked about how getting a new job is like getting a clean slate because nobody knows you or your past & you have this beautiful opportunity to portray yourself in a way that would be healthy & helpful.  & we talked about how i've always struggled with this- i always seem to give up & just blend in with my surroundings.  it's always been easier - it's entering thru the "wide gate" tho & i don't want to go thru that door anymore.  i made a promise not to.  this time i knew i had my Father on my side to help me - it wasn't me trying to do something thru my own strength & my own vain intentions.  but it's still hard. very very hard.  i have already gotten a reputation as being the hard-working- overly organized & uptight new girl that is young & doesn't know how to let her hair down. ideally this should make me happy.  i'm being judged because i have high standards instead of being judged for my lack of standards. but my human nature is fighting me every step of the way. it wants me to prove that i do know how to let my hair down, it wants me to tell stories of times i have let my hair down & i so badly want to prove them wrong & gain their approval, but i know i can't, no, not this time. so today- tho i feel that i'm so very weak, i'm thankful that i have been granted just enough strength to resist these temptations & that i get to take this one day a a time. that is all that is expected of me.      

How did you spend YOUR extra hour?

woke up this morning & asked my love if he would like to take a walk with me.  he said he did.  it was one of those deliciously cool, grey mornings.  one of the ones where you can feel a light mist on your cheeks & the colors seem so vivid & contrasting & wonderful.  we walked north along the beach during high tide & my love asked if i wanted to get a coffee at java joint.  i told him i had made coffee before we left & that it seemed silly to go back for a wallet.  he said he'd brought his just in case & he wanted to buy me a "fancy" coffee.  this made me smile.  so we went & sat on the outside patio beneath the grey sky & shared breakfast & some "fancy" coffee & read coffee news & chatted about all the things we didn't get to talk about yesterday (when i'd been busy working & sleeping & avoiding reality) & we held hands & smiled like dopey lovebirds at each other.  & then we walked home & got ready for our days.

thank you

thank you for all the cards - the phone calls - the voice messages - the text messages - the packages - your concerns - your patience - your space when it hurts too much to talk - your willingness to reach out - your love & your support.  thank you for all of it.  it helps to be on this journey with you by my side. it helps to know that you care about how i felt about watching my baby turn four from a distance yesterday - it helps to know that together we want what is best for him & that we can remind each other when it gets hard to remember what BEST is.  thank you from my heart.