our neighbors yard was looking especially beautiful to me this morning - wild & messy & colorful & beautiful. z & i talked about some thoughts i'd been having on our way home. some battles with my human nature. we talked about how getting a new job is like getting a clean slate because nobody knows you or your past & you have this beautiful opportunity to portray yourself in a way that would be healthy & helpful. & we talked about how i've always struggled with this- i always seem to give up & just blend in with my surroundings. it's always been easier - it's entering thru the "wide gate" tho & i don't want to go thru that door anymore. i made a promise not to. this time i knew i had my Father on my side to help me - it wasn't me trying to do something thru my own strength & my own vain intentions. but it's still hard. very very hard. i have already gotten a reputation as being the hard-working- overly organized & uptight new girl that is young & doesn't know how to let her hair down. ideally this should make me happy. i'm being judged because i have high standards instead of being judged for my lack of standards. but my human nature is fighting me every step of the way. it wants me to prove that i do know how to let my hair down, it wants me to tell stories of times i have let my hair down & i so badly want to prove them wrong & gain their approval, but i know i can't, no, not this time. so today- tho i feel that i'm so very weak, i'm thankful that i have been granted just enough strength to resist these temptations & that i get to take this one day a a time. that is all that is expected of me.
We just heard a lot about commitment and loyalty to God at our special meetings... It seems to go along with what you're talking about here! The worker mentioned that when she would bow her head to pray in a public place that then she was very aware of the fact that others would know that she was a Christian and that her actions could show this in a good or bad way and that it takes commitment and loyalty to God in order to keep true to him! She said it much better than my poor paraphrasing, but it was very helpful to hear!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughts :)
ReplyDeleteDaniel just said this morning in his testamony that "the narrow way is deep, but the broad way is shallow" and how much easier it is to take the way of least resistance but that doesn't mean the narrow way...the least resistance is the broad way which leads to shallowness...
Good thoughts...just take it one day at a time, one step at a time and the Lord will give you the strength to walk the narrow way which leads to depth in your life!
Oh, yes, a struggle indeed. Always the feeling of my heart after convention, and how soon human nature comes to battle so furiously!
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