it's o.k. if you think we're lame because we still rent an apartment, and you own a house now.
it's o.k. if you think we're lame because we aren't working on our master's degrees, and probably never will.
it's o.k. if we disagree on what success means.
it's o.k. if you think it's silly that we got married when we were 18 & 19.
it's o.k. if you think we missed out on something & we think we hit the jackpot.
sometimes it doesn't feel good when you make us feel wrong for the road we've chosen to walk on, but then we remember (with a little help from our friends) that we chose to live the life we live, not because we have to, but because we want to.
sometimes it feels lonely to not follow in the path that society says we should. & sometimes it starts to feel annoying to always feel like we're on the defensive, but really it's quite simple: we love being married, we love the lessons that florida has taught us, we love & appreciate the people who really support us, and the real friendships we have that keep us going. we're aware that we've made plenty of mistakes over the years, but it's the sincerest desire of our hearts to live openly & honestly & with more love in our hearts this next year so that we can continue to walk & grow in a way that fits us.
12.29.2009
dreaming & scheming...
so sunday, on the car ride home, zane & i started chatting about the future & asking each other what we see, what we anticipate, what we hope, what we need... & basically we still don't know much. the future is just a big huge blank chalkboard. messy with erase marks & begging to be written on.
what we do know is that... we signed a lease for another year, so we will definitely be in palm coast, florida until december 2010.
and we really want to start a family. but we don't want to start until we can move to arizona, (or nearby anyway) so that we can raise them near my parents.
so... it's our primary goal to work on saving money during these next 12-months & working on cutting out all the extras. less shopping/eating out/& other sometimes unnecessary things.
but. we also want to take a "real" holiday sometime this year. maybe fall? maybe late summer? maybe early 2011? we both like the idea of spending a couple weeks between england, holland & france. we've never done something like that for ourselves & we'd like too.
so as cliche as it is to set goals at the start of a new year, we're doing it anyway. & it's not quite a new year's resolution since we made it on december 27th right? =)
what we do know is that... we signed a lease for another year, so we will definitely be in palm coast, florida until december 2010.
and we really want to start a family. but we don't want to start until we can move to arizona, (or nearby anyway) so that we can raise them near my parents.
so... it's our primary goal to work on saving money during these next 12-months & working on cutting out all the extras. less shopping/eating out/& other sometimes unnecessary things.
but. we also want to take a "real" holiday sometime this year. maybe fall? maybe late summer? maybe early 2011? we both like the idea of spending a couple weeks between england, holland & france. we've never done something like that for ourselves & we'd like too.
so as cliche as it is to set goals at the start of a new year, we're doing it anyway. & it's not quite a new year's resolution since we made it on december 27th right? =)
sunday
sunday was spent entirely on friendship & fellowship.
we dressed in matchy little nerdy christmas outfits. got called "elfs." texted mom & she told me she couldn't wait til we dress our children in nerdy matchy x-mas outfits someday. (except it won't be nerdy, it will be adorable). & we can't wait either mom.
walked into a room stuffed full of visitors & new people from all over the world.
spent a long afternoon sharing in homemade dinnner, sweets, taboo (the game), laughter, piano playing & getting to know "the canadians" better.
a friend playing coldplay on piano is just plain delightful.
an evening visit with Gladys, always an encouragement.
yummy pizza out with zaner.
coming home to a quiet house. finishing our dominoes game. snuggling. sleepytime..
we dressed in matchy little nerdy christmas outfits. got called "elfs." texted mom & she told me she couldn't wait til we dress our children in nerdy matchy x-mas outfits someday. (except it won't be nerdy, it will be adorable). & we can't wait either mom.
walked into a room stuffed full of visitors & new people from all over the world.
spent a long afternoon sharing in homemade dinnner, sweets, taboo (the game), laughter, piano playing & getting to know "the canadians" better.
a friend playing coldplay on piano is just plain delightful.
an evening visit with Gladys, always an encouragement.
yummy pizza out with zaner.
coming home to a quiet house. finishing our dominoes game. snuggling. sleepytime..
things that make me feel good right now.
yesterday & today.
- the apartment, zane & me for two weeks & 1-day.
- rearranging pix on the fridge.
- anticipating the feelings a good friend is having about her wedding day tomorrow.
- this quote: "Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose- a point on which the soul may fix it's intellectual eye." Mary Shelley. i love to think that by purposing to keep my focus singular, that it is calming to my mind.
- experiencing my first taste of weight loss. feeling healthier.
- listening to the best of chris isaak & playing mexican train with zane. (sorry mom & dad for ever saying i hate chris isaak. i lied. he is awesome.)
- writing birthdays & anniversarys on a brand new calendar.
- Grandpa Pete celebrating another birthday.
- finding chocolate & graham crackers in my lunch box that zane packed for me. wow. worth like a bazillion brownie points!
12.28.2009
x-mas day
christmas was totally low-key.
we slept in.
grabbed eggnog lattes & caramal apple spice's at starbucks.
ate a late breakfast at denny's & watched lots of cute kids in their christmas pajamas.
came home & took cat naps.
read books curled up on the couch.
read books in our rocking chairs on our patio.
watched a comedy.
cooked a ridiculous sized dinner for the 2 of us. ham, au gratin potatoes, scalloped corn, rolls & a mini-layered salad.
we enjoyed texts & phone calls to & from friends & family. & the line of christmas cards (& pix on fridge!) that has grown a little longer everyday.
it wasn't a normal christmas, our first totally & completely just the two of us. but it was pretty great all the same.
we slept in.
grabbed eggnog lattes & caramal apple spice's at starbucks.
ate a late breakfast at denny's & watched lots of cute kids in their christmas pajamas.
came home & took cat naps.
read books curled up on the couch.
read books in our rocking chairs on our patio.
watched a comedy.
cooked a ridiculous sized dinner for the 2 of us. ham, au gratin potatoes, scalloped corn, rolls & a mini-layered salad.
we enjoyed texts & phone calls to & from friends & family. & the line of christmas cards (& pix on fridge!) that has grown a little longer everyday.
it wasn't a normal christmas, our first totally & completely just the two of us. but it was pretty great all the same.
made me go: hmmm...
i was looking for calendars & i read this: "love your enemies. they tell you your faults." -ben franklin. it made me think about it. a lot.
i finally decided on wild & scenic arizona for the bedroom & ireland for the kitchen. cos i know you're dying to know.
i finally decided on wild & scenic arizona for the bedroom & ireland for the kitchen. cos i know you're dying to know.
12.23.2009
happy christmas!
the library isn't open on christmas eve or christmas (how dare them!) so more writing & pictures to come after the holidays. thinking of you. love, us.
Jacksonville: Part I
last friday.
on a side note, isn't it awesome how a song can just pick you up and make you feel like you're flying? and out of no where too...
so zane & i skipped town, Drama-Town that is, and escaped to Zane-and-Anna-Only-Land. apparently it resides in the heart of jacksonville. oddly only an hour from home. how convenient!
i was feeling a bit resentful on the car ride up there tho, feeling like it was almost a waste. i'd had to work late that night, then drive the hour-plus up to j-ville, and then get up early & come back to work... was it even worth it...? i argued with myself most of the car ride.
then i got giddy. the radio seemed to be playing all the right songs. and then you know how when you start getting nearer to a bigger city & just outside the city's limits the freeway widens to four or five lanes, and cars start to merge in from both sides?? & then skyscrapers come into view, and the closer you get to the heart of the downtown area , the more tall structures & city lights brighten & fill the night sky?? and for me... it's just plain euphoric. i love being in the middle of a city. i mean REALLY love it. i feel alive and connected to the words in a whole new way.
i'm pretty sure i floated up to our room on the 11th floor where my husband was waiting for me. the drive into the city alone had pushed all previous doubts i'd had far far away. & i knew that it could only get better in the hours that remained in this night.
zane had ordered us pizza. this just added a whole other element of the sheer joy i was already feeling to see that pizza hut delivery man waiting for us at guest services, holding out that divine cheesy glory. the 3 of us, zane, me & the pizza guy, stuck out like sore thumbs in the classy lobby with the dozens of fancy wedding party guests wandering around. i couldn't have cared less, literally skipping & jumping all the way back to the elevators with our pizza box. after partaking of the greasy lovliness, we went back downstairs to walk along the river, in the rain, just light sprinkles, but rain none the less & feeling the crispy winter air, feeling as light as a feather.
we made our way back to our room. still feeling so wired, yet so exhuasted all rolled into one big awesome ball of insomnia. the view from our floor-to-ceiling-wall-to-wall window was just so darn beautiful. everytime i let myself close my eyes, i'd open them again within a few moments so i could breathe in the view again with my eyes. i wished i could paint the scene on my eyelids. i was eye level with the mid-section of three skyscrapers. of course i couldn't bear to shut the curtains on them. it was just such a delicious comforting place to sleep, the kind of comfort you feel as a little girl being sandwiched between your parents when a bad dream gets the best of you.
and when i awoke, and that same view stared back at me in the early morning light, the same excited energy pulsed thru my veins like it had never left. when was the last time i'd woken up with a stupid grin plastered on my face?!
i walked over to the window & slid it open, feeling the bite of the 40-something-degree air, the coldest yet of the season. the river looked appropriately icey cold & dark grey. & the city was quiet. mellowed, yet still very much alive. it was supreme happiness.
on a side note, isn't it awesome how a song can just pick you up and make you feel like you're flying? and out of no where too...
so zane & i skipped town, Drama-Town that is, and escaped to Zane-and-Anna-Only-Land. apparently it resides in the heart of jacksonville. oddly only an hour from home. how convenient!
i was feeling a bit resentful on the car ride up there tho, feeling like it was almost a waste. i'd had to work late that night, then drive the hour-plus up to j-ville, and then get up early & come back to work... was it even worth it...? i argued with myself most of the car ride.
then i got giddy. the radio seemed to be playing all the right songs. and then you know how when you start getting nearer to a bigger city & just outside the city's limits the freeway widens to four or five lanes, and cars start to merge in from both sides?? & then skyscrapers come into view, and the closer you get to the heart of the downtown area , the more tall structures & city lights brighten & fill the night sky?? and for me... it's just plain euphoric. i love being in the middle of a city. i mean REALLY love it. i feel alive and connected to the words in a whole new way.
i'm pretty sure i floated up to our room on the 11th floor where my husband was waiting for me. the drive into the city alone had pushed all previous doubts i'd had far far away. & i knew that it could only get better in the hours that remained in this night.
zane had ordered us pizza. this just added a whole other element of the sheer joy i was already feeling to see that pizza hut delivery man waiting for us at guest services, holding out that divine cheesy glory. the 3 of us, zane, me & the pizza guy, stuck out like sore thumbs in the classy lobby with the dozens of fancy wedding party guests wandering around. i couldn't have cared less, literally skipping & jumping all the way back to the elevators with our pizza box. after partaking of the greasy lovliness, we went back downstairs to walk along the river, in the rain, just light sprinkles, but rain none the less & feeling the crispy winter air, feeling as light as a feather.
we made our way back to our room. still feeling so wired, yet so exhuasted all rolled into one big awesome ball of insomnia. the view from our floor-to-ceiling-wall-to-wall window was just so darn beautiful. everytime i let myself close my eyes, i'd open them again within a few moments so i could breathe in the view again with my eyes. i wished i could paint the scene on my eyelids. i was eye level with the mid-section of three skyscrapers. of course i couldn't bear to shut the curtains on them. it was just such a delicious comforting place to sleep, the kind of comfort you feel as a little girl being sandwiched between your parents when a bad dream gets the best of you.
and when i awoke, and that same view stared back at me in the early morning light, the same excited energy pulsed thru my veins like it had never left. when was the last time i'd woken up with a stupid grin plastered on my face?!
i walked over to the window & slid it open, feeling the bite of the 40-something-degree air, the coldest yet of the season. the river looked appropriately icey cold & dark grey. & the city was quiet. mellowed, yet still very much alive. it was supreme happiness.
in the air there's a feeling of christmas. (finally).
last wednesday.
sprawled out on our big brown comfy couch, just the two of us, headed into the final hours of the evening.
feeling our single strand of icicle lights dance from blue to white, even behind closed eyelids.
listening to christmas mixes made by loved ones from years past. going in spurts where we'd sing along with every word, and then there were spurts where we would just listen in peaceful silence. i really felt those familiar lines like: "it's grand just holding your hand" echoing in my heart.
it was the first time i really let myself feel the magnetism of the season. ever since christmas decorations started popping up in stores around halloween-time, it's always just felt like someone else's holiday that was approaching, and i was just watching from the sidelines. but this night i began to feel like i was finally a member of the christmas club.
& then Alabama's, Christmas in Dixie started to stream out from the speakers & it just demanded to be danced to. we both grew up on Alabama so it's nostalgic affect on us made it irresistable. i just had to twirl around the living room in the arms of the one i love.
sprawled out on our big brown comfy couch, just the two of us, headed into the final hours of the evening.
feeling our single strand of icicle lights dance from blue to white, even behind closed eyelids.
listening to christmas mixes made by loved ones from years past. going in spurts where we'd sing along with every word, and then there were spurts where we would just listen in peaceful silence. i really felt those familiar lines like: "it's grand just holding your hand" echoing in my heart.
it was the first time i really let myself feel the magnetism of the season. ever since christmas decorations started popping up in stores around halloween-time, it's always just felt like someone else's holiday that was approaching, and i was just watching from the sidelines. but this night i began to feel like i was finally a member of the christmas club.
& then Alabama's, Christmas in Dixie started to stream out from the speakers & it just demanded to be danced to. we both grew up on Alabama so it's nostalgic affect on us made it irresistable. i just had to twirl around the living room in the arms of the one i love.
12.12.2009
ouch
i have been trying to work out more. surprisingly- working in a gym makes it a whole lot harder to find motivation to come back on your off hours & inflict pain on your body then i ever dreamed it would be. you'd think it would be inspiring, but not so much. just triples the amount of guilt you feel for not doing anything to make your body healthier than you ever felt before you worked at a gym. brutal, i'm telling you what. anyway yesterdays efforts had my alarm going off at 4:30am for a 5:30am spin class. i had no idea what i was walking into- i had a faint idea that there would be resistance training/simulations of climbing hills, etc. but i was not prepared for my rear-end to not stay planted on the 'saddle' the entire time. instead there would be a killer series of resistance pedaling & then essentially 'jogging' by standing & pedaling instead of sitting & pedaling. never ever saw that one coming. needless to say my quads are screaming at me today.
& then since i had the day off today i decided to go the yoga class. i was in the mood for some mind-calming activity & stretching & it wasn't until mid-morning so no alarm clocks would be necessary. seemed relatively painless to me, and definitely helped the guilt subside. so i arrived. & today of all the days, the instructor is a no-show. i was so bummed. so one of the personal trainers tells me he has time on his hands, & that if i want he can run me thru some circuits. i jump at the chance. 30-minutes later i'm curled up in a pitiful ball of exhaustion & mr. PT is clearly amused & satisfied with his handiwork. so much for calm & painless.
it's one of those things- tho you might not be able to squat down to pick something off the floor to save your life, it will not be regretted. & i'm hoping i don't give in now. cheers for a 2-day streak- here's to more gym days...
& then since i had the day off today i decided to go the yoga class. i was in the mood for some mind-calming activity & stretching & it wasn't until mid-morning so no alarm clocks would be necessary. seemed relatively painless to me, and definitely helped the guilt subside. so i arrived. & today of all the days, the instructor is a no-show. i was so bummed. so one of the personal trainers tells me he has time on his hands, & that if i want he can run me thru some circuits. i jump at the chance. 30-minutes later i'm curled up in a pitiful ball of exhaustion & mr. PT is clearly amused & satisfied with his handiwork. so much for calm & painless.
it's one of those things- tho you might not be able to squat down to pick something off the floor to save your life, it will not be regretted. & i'm hoping i don't give in now. cheers for a 2-day streak- here's to more gym days...
12.08.2009
it's beginning to feel a lot like....
the new abode
well here it is guys, more or less. the kitchen & bedroom are done. the living room not so much. we just plopped the couches & bookshelf & side tables & lamps in & called it good. we still are eating on a card table & there are no decorations at all. but it will all come in time.
reasons to smile in no particular order
#1 this flower shop sign:
#2 being a priority club member: who doesn't like their name in the lobby of a hotel?!
#3 the bluegrass channel on our xm radio. many a comical images are conjured up the second i hear banjo picking. it just tickled me further when zane sang a whole entire verse of a song before the singer did. & he loved every second of my quizzical/amused, "how did you know that!?" look.
#4 when i voice my to-do list out loud & zane surprises me later & says, "hey just to let you know i did such & such this morning." wow. great feeling.
#5 having a completed room. transferring from that just moving in feeling to a 'this is home now' feeling.
#6 my december 2008 washington calendar from my gramma with the night leavenworth winter scene. so lovely.
#7 my new pink peacoat from ross. only $18. kids section, size xl. the sleeves are supposed to be long sleeved, but they are more like 3/4 length on me. & i just adore it.
#8 bob's flowers. his wife & daughter put all the flowers from his funeral out on the front porch & told us that after meeting we should pick a bouquet to take home with us because bob liked flowers in the house. & he use to bring his wife flowers home every friday. & even tho it's making me cry to write this- it makes me smile too. #9 the librarian told us we could pay our late fees in non-perishable food! so awesome.
private party
we attended a very, very exclusive party this weekend in orlando. if your name wasn't on the list, there was no getting in. but lucky for us there were only two names on the list & they belonged to us. it was a miracle- zane & i both happened to get the weekend off & so we skipped town to get some r&r. so i'm sure i've mentioned many times how much we love being priority club members. people it's free! & our last 4 hotel experiences have been soooo amazing. this time we got to check in at ONE in the afternoon & they upgraded us to a suite! & we got to stay right downtown orlando- away from all the touristy stuff so that really added to the whole experience.
t-day 2009
short explanation
so i have been living by the golden rule - "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." at least when it comes to blogging anyway. (for all other negative things that must be gotten off my chest? why you just talk your ever-so patient husband's ear off of course.) so in this case it was - "if you can't type anything nice, then you shouldn't type at all." & then there was the moving & the working two-jobs thing too that may or may not have interfered. so there's my little explanation for virtually no updates in awhile. but i think i'm ready to talk about some less negative things now=)
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