it's o.k. if you think we're lame because we still rent an apartment, and you own a house now.
it's o.k. if you think we're lame because we aren't working on our master's degrees, and probably never will.
it's o.k. if we disagree on what success means.
it's o.k. if you think it's silly that we got married when we were 18 & 19.
it's o.k. if you think we missed out on something & we think we hit the jackpot.
sometimes it doesn't feel good when you make us feel wrong for the road we've chosen to walk on, but then we remember (with a little help from our friends) that we chose to live the life we live, not because we have to, but because we want to.
sometimes it feels lonely to not follow in the path that society says we should. & sometimes it starts to feel annoying to always feel like we're on the defensive, but really it's quite simple: we love being married, we love the lessons that florida has taught us, we love & appreciate the people who really support us, and the real friendships we have that keep us going. we're aware that we've made plenty of mistakes over the years, but it's the sincerest desire of our hearts to live openly & honestly & with more love in our hearts this next year so that we can continue to walk & grow in a way that fits us.
12.29.2009
dreaming & scheming...
so sunday, on the car ride home, zane & i started chatting about the future & asking each other what we see, what we anticipate, what we hope, what we need... & basically we still don't know much. the future is just a big huge blank chalkboard. messy with erase marks & begging to be written on.
what we do know is that... we signed a lease for another year, so we will definitely be in palm coast, florida until december 2010.
and we really want to start a family. but we don't want to start until we can move to arizona, (or nearby anyway) so that we can raise them near my parents.
so... it's our primary goal to work on saving money during these next 12-months & working on cutting out all the extras. less shopping/eating out/& other sometimes unnecessary things.
but. we also want to take a "real" holiday sometime this year. maybe fall? maybe late summer? maybe early 2011? we both like the idea of spending a couple weeks between england, holland & france. we've never done something like that for ourselves & we'd like too.
so as cliche as it is to set goals at the start of a new year, we're doing it anyway. & it's not quite a new year's resolution since we made it on december 27th right? =)
what we do know is that... we signed a lease for another year, so we will definitely be in palm coast, florida until december 2010.
and we really want to start a family. but we don't want to start until we can move to arizona, (or nearby anyway) so that we can raise them near my parents.
so... it's our primary goal to work on saving money during these next 12-months & working on cutting out all the extras. less shopping/eating out/& other sometimes unnecessary things.
but. we also want to take a "real" holiday sometime this year. maybe fall? maybe late summer? maybe early 2011? we both like the idea of spending a couple weeks between england, holland & france. we've never done something like that for ourselves & we'd like too.
so as cliche as it is to set goals at the start of a new year, we're doing it anyway. & it's not quite a new year's resolution since we made it on december 27th right? =)
sunday
sunday was spent entirely on friendship & fellowship.
we dressed in matchy little nerdy christmas outfits. got called "elfs." texted mom & she told me she couldn't wait til we dress our children in nerdy matchy x-mas outfits someday. (except it won't be nerdy, it will be adorable). & we can't wait either mom.
walked into a room stuffed full of visitors & new people from all over the world.
spent a long afternoon sharing in homemade dinnner, sweets, taboo (the game), laughter, piano playing & getting to know "the canadians" better.
a friend playing coldplay on piano is just plain delightful.
an evening visit with Gladys, always an encouragement.
yummy pizza out with zaner.
coming home to a quiet house. finishing our dominoes game. snuggling. sleepytime..
we dressed in matchy little nerdy christmas outfits. got called "elfs." texted mom & she told me she couldn't wait til we dress our children in nerdy matchy x-mas outfits someday. (except it won't be nerdy, it will be adorable). & we can't wait either mom.
walked into a room stuffed full of visitors & new people from all over the world.
spent a long afternoon sharing in homemade dinnner, sweets, taboo (the game), laughter, piano playing & getting to know "the canadians" better.
a friend playing coldplay on piano is just plain delightful.
an evening visit with Gladys, always an encouragement.
yummy pizza out with zaner.
coming home to a quiet house. finishing our dominoes game. snuggling. sleepytime..
things that make me feel good right now.
yesterday & today.
- the apartment, zane & me for two weeks & 1-day.
- rearranging pix on the fridge.
- anticipating the feelings a good friend is having about her wedding day tomorrow.
- this quote: "Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose- a point on which the soul may fix it's intellectual eye." Mary Shelley. i love to think that by purposing to keep my focus singular, that it is calming to my mind.
- experiencing my first taste of weight loss. feeling healthier.
- listening to the best of chris isaak & playing mexican train with zane. (sorry mom & dad for ever saying i hate chris isaak. i lied. he is awesome.)
- writing birthdays & anniversarys on a brand new calendar.
- Grandpa Pete celebrating another birthday.
- finding chocolate & graham crackers in my lunch box that zane packed for me. wow. worth like a bazillion brownie points!
12.28.2009
x-mas day
christmas was totally low-key.
we slept in.
grabbed eggnog lattes & caramal apple spice's at starbucks.
ate a late breakfast at denny's & watched lots of cute kids in their christmas pajamas.
came home & took cat naps.
read books curled up on the couch.
read books in our rocking chairs on our patio.
watched a comedy.
cooked a ridiculous sized dinner for the 2 of us. ham, au gratin potatoes, scalloped corn, rolls & a mini-layered salad.
we enjoyed texts & phone calls to & from friends & family. & the line of christmas cards (& pix on fridge!) that has grown a little longer everyday.
it wasn't a normal christmas, our first totally & completely just the two of us. but it was pretty great all the same.
we slept in.
grabbed eggnog lattes & caramal apple spice's at starbucks.
ate a late breakfast at denny's & watched lots of cute kids in their christmas pajamas.
came home & took cat naps.
read books curled up on the couch.
read books in our rocking chairs on our patio.
watched a comedy.
cooked a ridiculous sized dinner for the 2 of us. ham, au gratin potatoes, scalloped corn, rolls & a mini-layered salad.
we enjoyed texts & phone calls to & from friends & family. & the line of christmas cards (& pix on fridge!) that has grown a little longer everyday.
it wasn't a normal christmas, our first totally & completely just the two of us. but it was pretty great all the same.
made me go: hmmm...
i was looking for calendars & i read this: "love your enemies. they tell you your faults." -ben franklin. it made me think about it. a lot.
i finally decided on wild & scenic arizona for the bedroom & ireland for the kitchen. cos i know you're dying to know.
i finally decided on wild & scenic arizona for the bedroom & ireland for the kitchen. cos i know you're dying to know.
12.23.2009
happy christmas!
the library isn't open on christmas eve or christmas (how dare them!) so more writing & pictures to come after the holidays. thinking of you. love, us.
Jacksonville: Part I
last friday.
on a side note, isn't it awesome how a song can just pick you up and make you feel like you're flying? and out of no where too...
so zane & i skipped town, Drama-Town that is, and escaped to Zane-and-Anna-Only-Land. apparently it resides in the heart of jacksonville. oddly only an hour from home. how convenient!
i was feeling a bit resentful on the car ride up there tho, feeling like it was almost a waste. i'd had to work late that night, then drive the hour-plus up to j-ville, and then get up early & come back to work... was it even worth it...? i argued with myself most of the car ride.
then i got giddy. the radio seemed to be playing all the right songs. and then you know how when you start getting nearer to a bigger city & just outside the city's limits the freeway widens to four or five lanes, and cars start to merge in from both sides?? & then skyscrapers come into view, and the closer you get to the heart of the downtown area , the more tall structures & city lights brighten & fill the night sky?? and for me... it's just plain euphoric. i love being in the middle of a city. i mean REALLY love it. i feel alive and connected to the words in a whole new way.
i'm pretty sure i floated up to our room on the 11th floor where my husband was waiting for me. the drive into the city alone had pushed all previous doubts i'd had far far away. & i knew that it could only get better in the hours that remained in this night.
zane had ordered us pizza. this just added a whole other element of the sheer joy i was already feeling to see that pizza hut delivery man waiting for us at guest services, holding out that divine cheesy glory. the 3 of us, zane, me & the pizza guy, stuck out like sore thumbs in the classy lobby with the dozens of fancy wedding party guests wandering around. i couldn't have cared less, literally skipping & jumping all the way back to the elevators with our pizza box. after partaking of the greasy lovliness, we went back downstairs to walk along the river, in the rain, just light sprinkles, but rain none the less & feeling the crispy winter air, feeling as light as a feather.
we made our way back to our room. still feeling so wired, yet so exhuasted all rolled into one big awesome ball of insomnia. the view from our floor-to-ceiling-wall-to-wall window was just so darn beautiful. everytime i let myself close my eyes, i'd open them again within a few moments so i could breathe in the view again with my eyes. i wished i could paint the scene on my eyelids. i was eye level with the mid-section of three skyscrapers. of course i couldn't bear to shut the curtains on them. it was just such a delicious comforting place to sleep, the kind of comfort you feel as a little girl being sandwiched between your parents when a bad dream gets the best of you.
and when i awoke, and that same view stared back at me in the early morning light, the same excited energy pulsed thru my veins like it had never left. when was the last time i'd woken up with a stupid grin plastered on my face?!
i walked over to the window & slid it open, feeling the bite of the 40-something-degree air, the coldest yet of the season. the river looked appropriately icey cold & dark grey. & the city was quiet. mellowed, yet still very much alive. it was supreme happiness.
on a side note, isn't it awesome how a song can just pick you up and make you feel like you're flying? and out of no where too...
so zane & i skipped town, Drama-Town that is, and escaped to Zane-and-Anna-Only-Land. apparently it resides in the heart of jacksonville. oddly only an hour from home. how convenient!
i was feeling a bit resentful on the car ride up there tho, feeling like it was almost a waste. i'd had to work late that night, then drive the hour-plus up to j-ville, and then get up early & come back to work... was it even worth it...? i argued with myself most of the car ride.
then i got giddy. the radio seemed to be playing all the right songs. and then you know how when you start getting nearer to a bigger city & just outside the city's limits the freeway widens to four or five lanes, and cars start to merge in from both sides?? & then skyscrapers come into view, and the closer you get to the heart of the downtown area , the more tall structures & city lights brighten & fill the night sky?? and for me... it's just plain euphoric. i love being in the middle of a city. i mean REALLY love it. i feel alive and connected to the words in a whole new way.
i'm pretty sure i floated up to our room on the 11th floor where my husband was waiting for me. the drive into the city alone had pushed all previous doubts i'd had far far away. & i knew that it could only get better in the hours that remained in this night.
zane had ordered us pizza. this just added a whole other element of the sheer joy i was already feeling to see that pizza hut delivery man waiting for us at guest services, holding out that divine cheesy glory. the 3 of us, zane, me & the pizza guy, stuck out like sore thumbs in the classy lobby with the dozens of fancy wedding party guests wandering around. i couldn't have cared less, literally skipping & jumping all the way back to the elevators with our pizza box. after partaking of the greasy lovliness, we went back downstairs to walk along the river, in the rain, just light sprinkles, but rain none the less & feeling the crispy winter air, feeling as light as a feather.
we made our way back to our room. still feeling so wired, yet so exhuasted all rolled into one big awesome ball of insomnia. the view from our floor-to-ceiling-wall-to-wall window was just so darn beautiful. everytime i let myself close my eyes, i'd open them again within a few moments so i could breathe in the view again with my eyes. i wished i could paint the scene on my eyelids. i was eye level with the mid-section of three skyscrapers. of course i couldn't bear to shut the curtains on them. it was just such a delicious comforting place to sleep, the kind of comfort you feel as a little girl being sandwiched between your parents when a bad dream gets the best of you.
and when i awoke, and that same view stared back at me in the early morning light, the same excited energy pulsed thru my veins like it had never left. when was the last time i'd woken up with a stupid grin plastered on my face?!
i walked over to the window & slid it open, feeling the bite of the 40-something-degree air, the coldest yet of the season. the river looked appropriately icey cold & dark grey. & the city was quiet. mellowed, yet still very much alive. it was supreme happiness.
in the air there's a feeling of christmas. (finally).
last wednesday.
sprawled out on our big brown comfy couch, just the two of us, headed into the final hours of the evening.
feeling our single strand of icicle lights dance from blue to white, even behind closed eyelids.
listening to christmas mixes made by loved ones from years past. going in spurts where we'd sing along with every word, and then there were spurts where we would just listen in peaceful silence. i really felt those familiar lines like: "it's grand just holding your hand" echoing in my heart.
it was the first time i really let myself feel the magnetism of the season. ever since christmas decorations started popping up in stores around halloween-time, it's always just felt like someone else's holiday that was approaching, and i was just watching from the sidelines. but this night i began to feel like i was finally a member of the christmas club.
& then Alabama's, Christmas in Dixie started to stream out from the speakers & it just demanded to be danced to. we both grew up on Alabama so it's nostalgic affect on us made it irresistable. i just had to twirl around the living room in the arms of the one i love.
sprawled out on our big brown comfy couch, just the two of us, headed into the final hours of the evening.
feeling our single strand of icicle lights dance from blue to white, even behind closed eyelids.
listening to christmas mixes made by loved ones from years past. going in spurts where we'd sing along with every word, and then there were spurts where we would just listen in peaceful silence. i really felt those familiar lines like: "it's grand just holding your hand" echoing in my heart.
it was the first time i really let myself feel the magnetism of the season. ever since christmas decorations started popping up in stores around halloween-time, it's always just felt like someone else's holiday that was approaching, and i was just watching from the sidelines. but this night i began to feel like i was finally a member of the christmas club.
& then Alabama's, Christmas in Dixie started to stream out from the speakers & it just demanded to be danced to. we both grew up on Alabama so it's nostalgic affect on us made it irresistable. i just had to twirl around the living room in the arms of the one i love.
12.12.2009
ouch
i have been trying to work out more. surprisingly- working in a gym makes it a whole lot harder to find motivation to come back on your off hours & inflict pain on your body then i ever dreamed it would be. you'd think it would be inspiring, but not so much. just triples the amount of guilt you feel for not doing anything to make your body healthier than you ever felt before you worked at a gym. brutal, i'm telling you what. anyway yesterdays efforts had my alarm going off at 4:30am for a 5:30am spin class. i had no idea what i was walking into- i had a faint idea that there would be resistance training/simulations of climbing hills, etc. but i was not prepared for my rear-end to not stay planted on the 'saddle' the entire time. instead there would be a killer series of resistance pedaling & then essentially 'jogging' by standing & pedaling instead of sitting & pedaling. never ever saw that one coming. needless to say my quads are screaming at me today.
& then since i had the day off today i decided to go the yoga class. i was in the mood for some mind-calming activity & stretching & it wasn't until mid-morning so no alarm clocks would be necessary. seemed relatively painless to me, and definitely helped the guilt subside. so i arrived. & today of all the days, the instructor is a no-show. i was so bummed. so one of the personal trainers tells me he has time on his hands, & that if i want he can run me thru some circuits. i jump at the chance. 30-minutes later i'm curled up in a pitiful ball of exhaustion & mr. PT is clearly amused & satisfied with his handiwork. so much for calm & painless.
it's one of those things- tho you might not be able to squat down to pick something off the floor to save your life, it will not be regretted. & i'm hoping i don't give in now. cheers for a 2-day streak- here's to more gym days...
& then since i had the day off today i decided to go the yoga class. i was in the mood for some mind-calming activity & stretching & it wasn't until mid-morning so no alarm clocks would be necessary. seemed relatively painless to me, and definitely helped the guilt subside. so i arrived. & today of all the days, the instructor is a no-show. i was so bummed. so one of the personal trainers tells me he has time on his hands, & that if i want he can run me thru some circuits. i jump at the chance. 30-minutes later i'm curled up in a pitiful ball of exhaustion & mr. PT is clearly amused & satisfied with his handiwork. so much for calm & painless.
it's one of those things- tho you might not be able to squat down to pick something off the floor to save your life, it will not be regretted. & i'm hoping i don't give in now. cheers for a 2-day streak- here's to more gym days...
12.08.2009
it's beginning to feel a lot like....
the new abode
well here it is guys, more or less. the kitchen & bedroom are done. the living room not so much. we just plopped the couches & bookshelf & side tables & lamps in & called it good. we still are eating on a card table & there are no decorations at all. but it will all come in time.
reasons to smile in no particular order
#1 this flower shop sign:
#2 being a priority club member: who doesn't like their name in the lobby of a hotel?!
#3 the bluegrass channel on our xm radio. many a comical images are conjured up the second i hear banjo picking. it just tickled me further when zane sang a whole entire verse of a song before the singer did. & he loved every second of my quizzical/amused, "how did you know that!?" look.
#4 when i voice my to-do list out loud & zane surprises me later & says, "hey just to let you know i did such & such this morning." wow. great feeling.
#5 having a completed room. transferring from that just moving in feeling to a 'this is home now' feeling.
#6 my december 2008 washington calendar from my gramma with the night leavenworth winter scene. so lovely.
#7 my new pink peacoat from ross. only $18. kids section, size xl. the sleeves are supposed to be long sleeved, but they are more like 3/4 length on me. & i just adore it.
#8 bob's flowers. his wife & daughter put all the flowers from his funeral out on the front porch & told us that after meeting we should pick a bouquet to take home with us because bob liked flowers in the house. & he use to bring his wife flowers home every friday. & even tho it's making me cry to write this- it makes me smile too. #9 the librarian told us we could pay our late fees in non-perishable food! so awesome.
private party
we attended a very, very exclusive party this weekend in orlando. if your name wasn't on the list, there was no getting in. but lucky for us there were only two names on the list & they belonged to us. it was a miracle- zane & i both happened to get the weekend off & so we skipped town to get some r&r. so i'm sure i've mentioned many times how much we love being priority club members. people it's free! & our last 4 hotel experiences have been soooo amazing. this time we got to check in at ONE in the afternoon & they upgraded us to a suite! & we got to stay right downtown orlando- away from all the touristy stuff so that really added to the whole experience.
t-day 2009
short explanation
so i have been living by the golden rule - "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." at least when it comes to blogging anyway. (for all other negative things that must be gotten off my chest? why you just talk your ever-so patient husband's ear off of course.) so in this case it was - "if you can't type anything nice, then you shouldn't type at all." & then there was the moving & the working two-jobs thing too that may or may not have interfered. so there's my little explanation for virtually no updates in awhile. but i think i'm ready to talk about some less negative things now=)
11.21.2009
stupid lesson #391
do not read stuff, do not ask people about, do not allow people to tell you things, do not search out, do not be in the same places as..... THINGS YOU KNOW GOOD & WELL ARE JUST GOING TO MAKE YOU UPSET!
hmmm. sounds like a no brainer huh?
sadly it's taken me a long time to realize to just leave the big rocks at the beach that you know have creepy crabs dwelling under them well enough alone- (so to speak - not so much in the literal sense). i mean if you know they are there... let them be! ignore them! no need to lift the rock just because your curious. because friends, let's face it, curiosity killed the kitty & it could very well be the death of me also, i am tellin you what. confirmation is not comforting in this case.
hmmm. sounds like a no brainer huh?
sadly it's taken me a long time to realize to just leave the big rocks at the beach that you know have creepy crabs dwelling under them well enough alone- (so to speak - not so much in the literal sense). i mean if you know they are there... let them be! ignore them! no need to lift the rock just because your curious. because friends, let's face it, curiosity killed the kitty & it could very well be the death of me also, i am tellin you what. confirmation is not comforting in this case.
11.19.2009
mean people suck
"no one can make you feel badly about yourself without your permission" -a quote i constantly have to come back to. thanks to whoever recorded those lovely words from eleanor. now if i could just bring mrs. roosevelt back from the dead to give me the 411 on assertiveness.... that would be wonderful. until then... i'll sulk & eat pizza=-)
11.15.2009
"ooooh i like it!"
your daily dose of all things sunny & rosy
having a human nature is TOTALLY overrated. & OTHER people acting out because of their human natures? don't even get me started on how awesome that is!
11.09.2009
MY EVIE & MY AIDAN!!!!!
a bit of nostalgia
my mom sent me this awesome email about aprons & i love it! i even have my own little retro apron that i like to wear from time to time.
I don't think our kids know what an apron is. The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, because she only had a few & it was easier to wash aprons than dresses, and they used less material. But along with that…
-It served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.
-It was wonderful for drying children's tears & and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.
-From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
-When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
-And when the weather was cold grandma wrapped it around her arms.
-Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.
-Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
-From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
-In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.
-When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
-When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the menfolk knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that 'old-time apron' that served so many purposes.
REMEMBER:
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool... Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw
I don't think our kids know what an apron is. The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, because she only had a few & it was easier to wash aprons than dresses, and they used less material. But along with that…
-It served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.
-It was wonderful for drying children's tears & and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.
-From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
-When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
-And when the weather was cold grandma wrapped it around her arms.
-Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.
-Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
-From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
-In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.
-When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
-When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the menfolk knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that 'old-time apron' that served so many purposes.
REMEMBER:
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool... Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw
11.08.2009
we love ourselves some holiday inns!
never judge a book by it's cover- or a hotel by it's star-rating. stayed at an awesome holiday inn that was only rated 2-stars. had the best time!
CARE BEAR & ANNA BANANA REPUBLIC!
go blue & orange
what is it about screaming at the top of your lungs with 90,000 other people that is just so darn exhilirating?! it was a sold-out game- there was so many people- it was nuts & we loved it!
this is gator country!
just 20-minutes out of town lives a stretch of road known as highway 100 - which takes us to a little college town called gainesville - also known as home of the gators. this road gives a little taste of home- patches of open space - fields - stillness - just the sound of the wind when the windows are rolled down - parked tractors - cows grazing lazily...it invites feelings of euphoria & nostalgia in one wonderful little ball of awesomeness.
11.06.2009
whatcha say??
today was one of those oh so deceiving days that start out unexpectedly wonderful & then bam! you find yourself crying with your head against the dryer in the back hall closet of a gym wondering what just happened.
i put up all these strategically placed walls to protect my heart & someone found a secret entrance that i didn't know wasn't guarded. & they got in. & those protective walls? they came tumbling down like i hadn't been laboring over them at all. & they just weren't supposed to do that.
so you find yourself confronting misunderstandings, not able to stop the tears. it seems the more words are spoken, the more tears flow. it's one of those unique experiences where you're powerless to stop someone from seeing your raw pain & it's out there as plainly as if you'd ripped your beating heart out & handed it to them... & they can either walk away or they can....
hug you/apologize to you/talk to you/hug you again/talk more & then everything is ok. so feeling exhuasted but thankful for acceptance & the endless chances given to us, as humans, to be resilient & start over fresh once again, not just with each other, but ourselves too.
& even better? a text message sent to let zane know i needed a hug when i came home & there he is standing at the top of stairs waiting for me with open arms.... reminding me at the end of the day... if i have nothing else in the world- i have my truelove on my side & that makes me feel oh-so lucky.
i put up all these strategically placed walls to protect my heart & someone found a secret entrance that i didn't know wasn't guarded. & they got in. & those protective walls? they came tumbling down like i hadn't been laboring over them at all. & they just weren't supposed to do that.
so you find yourself confronting misunderstandings, not able to stop the tears. it seems the more words are spoken, the more tears flow. it's one of those unique experiences where you're powerless to stop someone from seeing your raw pain & it's out there as plainly as if you'd ripped your beating heart out & handed it to them... & they can either walk away or they can....
hug you/apologize to you/talk to you/hug you again/talk more & then everything is ok. so feeling exhuasted but thankful for acceptance & the endless chances given to us, as humans, to be resilient & start over fresh once again, not just with each other, but ourselves too.
& even better? a text message sent to let zane know i needed a hug when i came home & there he is standing at the top of stairs waiting for me with open arms.... reminding me at the end of the day... if i have nothing else in the world- i have my truelove on my side & that makes me feel oh-so lucky.
11.02.2009
what i've been waiting for
11.01.2009
love thy neighbor
"giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart, but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours." unknown.
this came from an email sent to me by my mom. it's something i want to learn.
this came from an email sent to me by my mom. it's something i want to learn.
my first personal training session
....is tomorrow. i'm crossing my fingers that my trainer doesn't find out i stood by & watched mike fill the socks he left behind with dirt & peanut butter... or i might not be able to walk on tuesday.... which also happens to be my first day at banana republic. my new nickname at the gym by the way is "anna banana republic." ha=-)
walk: part II
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