weather

i really try not to complain about the weather, because really, what am i gonna do about it.
BUT.  i just have to announce officially (because i think it will make me feel better), that it's just reaalllllllllly flipping hot right now.
& also, i'm just wondering Universe... where is the rain!? This is rainy season in Florida- it seems that you've forgotten, so this is just a friendly reminder.
i went to http://www.weather.com/ this morning & it said that there is "Oppressive humidity" today.  Made me laugh. It's oppressive indeed.  It also said that at 1pm it's going to be 92 degrees, but that it will feel like 104. Thanks humidity for that.
40% chance of rain tomorrow- fingers are crossed!

ok. i'm just saying...

this sucks.

1st. lacey, told me she was going to be coming thru miami on her way to chile in like two-weeks. but then i find out by miami- she really meant dallas.  (i can see tho, how that could happen i mean... miami... dallas.  easy mistake.  i'll let her off the hook this time.)

2nd. so i just got off the phone with my cousin nicole, who is just chilllin' in atlanta on her way thru to ecuador, wondering how far palm coast is from atlanta... yah, 5-hours. no biggie. but i TOOOOTALLY woulda come seen her anyway had i known about this like i donno, something other then 5-minutes ago, NIIIIiiiccoole!  but that's ok, because she swore next time she'd take me with her & we're hitching a shrimp boat to the galapagos as an added bonus. 

who is going to be my lucky # 3. who is going to tease me & tell me that they're so close to me, but just kidding. catch you next time sucker!

ahhhh! i miss my friends.  it's days like today that make florida seem like it might as well be antartica. (btw. i just found a cruise itinerary to antartica. no joke- it also hits up sweet places such as chile & argentina. i can't get it off my brain.) 

and P.S. why does it seem like everyone but me is getting to south america.  that needs to change asaaap.

P.P.S. z&i took amy to los dos potrillos last night.  our waitress was a new girl, and she spoke to us in spanish the ENTIRE time. noooo words in english.  zilch. nada. i LOVED every minute, even if conversation was only about sidral, cebollas y ceviche.  whatev!

sometimes it hurts, that's how bad i want spanish to be my (our- zane's too) second language. 

someday- IT'S HAPPENING.

also. i like how far this post got away from what it was intended in the beginning. 

last thing i have to say: (yah right)  this weekend marks zane & i's FIFTH year of awesomeness together.  that's 4-years of wedded bliss y'all!!!  & we're celebrating with pirates.... for real.

Droid Luv

just flipped thru zane's phone photo gallery-  gave me 12 reasons to smile & reflect on fun recent memories. 

Reminiscing

A co-worker & i were discussing all the great stuff from our childhood recently. 
Where did these awesome things go!?
And then later, an Nsync song came on the radio & i knew.every.single.word.
Turns out the 90s were pretty darn awesome. Who knew!?

Therapy

Your words and your actions & sometimes your lack of words cut me down and try to destroy me.

I'm ashamed of the number of times i've given you the power to do this.

This week was no exception.

I wonder if this will go on forever?

Today I burned your words.

I watched them turn into ashes &

then i blew them into the atmosphere so that they disappeared into    

n o t h i n g.

zane watched me as i did this.  he supports me.

it felt good.

please stop your toxic madness.

My Thursday

We sat outside on our patio on Zane's lunch break.

We lit candles & watched the rain.

June let her Mama snuggle with her.  Mama was having a rotten day.

Went to bible study.

Talked to my best friend all the way there & back.

Always love to drive past this house.

Leslie, our worker, came to stay with us for two nights.

He folded our laundry.

I was so surprised & tickled.

fun while it lasted=-)

ordered this j.crew skirt.

zane doesn't like it.

back to j.crew it goes

*sigh*

but isn't it pretty?

Get together

i was stupid about taking pictures this past weekend.  these were all taken after everyone had already left.  oh well.

zane & i painted the entry way.  it ended up being the same color as our bedroom which was not the plan- but oh well. it's chalkboard paint- that's the cool part!  it's our new "guest-book."  everyone gets to leave of piece of themselves on our walls. 

there was just a handful of us, a very intimiate group of 5.  it was a rainy afternoon- a perfect time to squeeze in some girl time.  we all made out nicely with new wardrobes from the clothing swap.  i now have no desire to go shopping- which is a great thing- i just have that many new things!

i was glad to spend some time with stacey before she & bliss spend the next few months in california living in the forest.  she was cracking me up because she was feeling apprehensive about "pretentious hippies" that might be there.   

we all sat around zane's droid & watched funny youtube videos.  like the double rainbow.  i was crying. 

amy spent two nights with us.  she & i watched movies & baked & talked & played with the dogs.  i feel very comfortable with amy.  i never feel any pressure to act a certain way, like i do with sooooo many people. it's refreshing. i told her that too.  i also told her that her truffles are too-die-for! i'm actually having truffle withdrawls as i type this.  my first second whole day without one since last sunday.

Farmer's Market Day

Anticipation!  They always know when we're getting ready to leave, it's cute.

She might be a senior citizen in dog years,  but she's our baby!

W-A-S-H-I-N-G-T-O-N cherries at our local farmer's market-  love it. 

 

must. be. in. shade.

"Downtown Beautification Project."

jeff & zane deep in coversation

there's something charming about the idea of a bungalow by the sea...

i think they've resolved amongst themselves never to whine again about coming with us. it involves lots of sweating & panting & walking.

session #12 with Ms. J

Had. thee. most. wonderful. session. with. Julian. (our counselor) today.

I left feeling like i could skip from cloud to cloud.

She always knows just exactly what to say to make me release whatever heavy burden i'm carrying around unnecessarily.

She always fairly calls me out when i'm letting my ego dictate my life.  like when i want to defend my self to so & so for being a nasty person. or when i want say, "hey, you're a meanie! please get out of my life. liiiike forever preferably." she tells me other things i can say instead that are more diplomatic but still allow me to be true to me.  she reminds me that only i allow someone else to take away my peace & serenity. & only i can give someone else the power to hurt me. 

she always validates the way i feel, she just saves me from stooping to their level.

& she also reminds me to be thankful for the process.  & that this process of struggling isn't a bad place to be.  it's actually the right place for me to be until i move on & get to the next place i'm supposed to be. 

if only i could keep her in my pocket for the times that i forget. 

it's just so darn refreshing to talk with her- i could just squeeze her.

on a side-note, she just gave up her two computers.  one from her office at home in florida & one from her NY office because she didn't like what they were adding to her life.  i think that's awesome.  she actually lives what she teaches me- to let go of whatever isn't helping to shape you into the person you are trying to be.

& then she said she thought it was cool that i was bringing the "hip seattle" part of me to florida by hosting a clothing swap this past weekend.  made me laugh.

Weddings: Part II

i had so much fun reading your comments & thoughts about your own weddings!

thanks so much for sharing with me!=-) 

just add coffee & your actual presence & it would have been perfection!

so i did something that is just absolutely silly today: i called in sick from one job, so that i could work at my other job.

BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME, keep these things in mind:

*i've never ever done this before.
*i'll never ever do it again, i have so much guilt.
*i did it because my co-worker, a bride, is leaving for her destination wedding in mexico on friday & overwhelmed tears spilled down her cheeks as she begged me to take her shift so that she could have this night to prepare.  how could i possibly say no to that!?
*my best friend laughed at me. sweet. i haven't talked to that girl for like two weeks so it was precious just to hear her laugh, even if at my expense;-)
*i actually don't feel awesome. i'm not sick... but you know, not peachy either.

i talked to my current favorite bride, Nay Nay, for like 45-minutes about Project.Wedding. it was all kinds of wondermous fun!!

i got to try on my bridesmaid dress yesterday when i got home from work. it was waiting for me in the mailbox.  it fit perfect. Y A Y!

i addressed & stuffed envelopes in my heart last night with the rest of the bridesmaids.  

i also texted the sweet maid of honor & we dreamed up bachelorette party ideas.

i booked my ticket for washington today to go to said wedding.  WOO-HOO! the only downer will be that i'm leaving my sweet husband behind. & on his 23rd birthday night too.  but i am saving him an extra trip to orlando since we'll already be down there for convention.  so i'm not terribly rotten in his book i don't think.

i have been emailing this amazing photographer because she inspired me. (klk photography blog<---) her mama lives in florida. we decided to be friends. planning to meet for coffee in miami this winter. lol.

after zane read the last post i wrote about thoughts i had about our wedding, i asked him what his thoughts were.  he said he liked the part where we said: 
"do you?"
(yes). 
"do you?"
(yes).
"ok. you may kiss."
& most especially that we were legalized in exactly 3 minutes & 31 seconds.
lol. such a typical guy. 

all things wedding

Lately I have been perusing the wedding blogs with purpose!

(<--Hence the growing list to the left)

thoughts on my own wedding.  (4-years ago in 3-short-weeks!)

i never really planned our wedding.

well i sort of tried. i actually did the whole sit-down-with-a-planner to book the necessites like:
-the venue
-the reception location
-the hotel
-the transportation
-the photographer

i actually did all those things.  i remember taking a tour with mom around lake havasu looking at all the different hotels & other venues that could host the wedding. i remember our first meeting with cindy our photographer.  i remember reserving agave- now heat hotel where we'd spend our first night. i remember talking to the gondola man who would wisk us from the gazebo under the london bridge back to the other side of the channel.  i remember mom & dad talking about the things they would do to "clean-up" the back patio & pool area before the reception. 

but all that was in arizona & by the time we changed our wedding location to washington, i was over it. 

i wanted simple/effortless/budget friendly. 

-simple target photos with the wedding date printed on them. 
-i picked the color blue. zane picked the color yellow. for no particular reason did we choose these colors. more because having wedding colors was what you did. & those two colors happened to tickle our fancy that day.  looking back, they ended up looking rather awful, more appropriate like for a baby shower to welcome a little boy into the world.  but whatever!
-cindy ended up making "proper invitations" which was kind of her.  she picked out the paper, the embellishments, the design & spent the hours putting them all together.  but she did it because she knew i had no interest whatsoever in proper wedding invitations & didn't care whether they were ever done or not.  
-but still. when those ran out. i was back to stuffing envelopes with photo cards & writing addresses with my seriously awful handwriting to people i didn't even hardly know, but thought i was supposed to be including. & that was just fine with me.
-i never even considered having a bachelorette party.  i mean the thought didn't even cross my mind.  & i wound up getting swept away to a spa in spokane with my two best friends & my mom & grandma & the ladies on zane's side of the family.  ill always always be grateful for the really really awesome memory of walking into perkins to see ash & lace waiting for me.  & getting pampered in the forest with people i love was amazing too. 
-we got finger food the day before the wedding at costco. 
-we ordered our cake from one of zane's old teachers. i don't even remember how we found out about her, but that was one of our BEST decisions.  she was sooo cheap & she made the most delicious cake EVER!
-no professional photographers to capture the ceremony. all professional photos were taken weeks before the real wedding. boo.   
-ashley did my hair.  it wasn't in a salon, but she is as close to a professional as i could've hoped for! & syd, krista & ash did a fabulous job putting my hair in foam curlers the night before (& helping me unravel them the day of!) while we watched the wedding planner of course.  & then somehow we lost the movie & ended up having to buy it!
-i had a zit we named "bart."  bart never did make an apperance which was a total miracle.  but i felt him & he was painful.  i iced him a lot that week.
-only family was invited to the wedding. i don't regret that decision. it was intimate & personal. i still like that there weren't too many people that we couldn't all stand or sit together on kirk & kellys porch.
-i do however regret not including my two best friends. i should've realized that they are like my family & always will be.
-i also regret being so self conscious.  i was waaaaaay too aware of everybody watching us.  i couldn't even make myself walk down the aisle, let alone let myself get caught up in the moment.  & then we had to do "the kiss" over because we did it too fast. 
-a lot of our choices were because we didn't realize how mentally unstable i still was at this point.  i shudder at the memories i have of going to garage sales & stocking up on baby stuff. even car carriers because i was sooo consumed with thoughts of babies & trying to deal with the void i felt without landon.  it hadn't even been a year later at that point. 

ANYWAY. i don't live in the past & that isn't what the post is about. it's just that a lot of friends & friends of friends & sisters of friends, co-workers, etc. have been planning their weddings & it's this whole little crazy world.  so it's caused me to think about my own & why we did what we did.

i'm very much enjoying all the fun and excitement of wedding planning as i think of nay's approaching nuptials. 

my crazy life of late

so today didn't go quite as planned. my fault for having expectations. ha=-)

this past week & a half has been all about work.  all 90 (& counting) hours of it.  i can be a bit of a workaholic when my depression doesn't have a say in the matter.  which it hasn't (fingers crossed) in awhile.

+ banana has been crrrraazy lately.  add my inability to say no & all the sudden i'm working doubles every single day & haven't had a day off in weeks. no lie.  i mean i had to wake up at 5:30 am the other day just to find time to clean up the house.  & it took me the full 3-hours i had before i had to go to work to do everything on my overwhelming to-do list.  sleep has been a distant dream for sure.

anyway it paid off because steph & the twins ended up coming over yesterday afternoon for some pool time & steven let me hold him for the first time!  & zane even got to join us.  it felt amazing to be outside soaking up the sun instead of inside four work walls!

so this morning plopped into my lap & it was something i was looking forward to very very much.  especially after my painful bikini wax yesterday. (i wrote a whole post on that, but then decided to not publish it for fear that someone might not want to read those kind of intimate details... so if you want to hear about that whole lovely shindig, i can email it to you, lol)

all was lovely until my car wouldn't start. for the 2nd time in a week. you know the one that we bought like a year ago.  that one that is only 5-years old.

the one that we literally just took to the dealership yesterday because it had been recalled for faulty steering & had to have a new steering pump installed.

i might add that working this many hours has made me feel like i'm unphasable. i'm so deliriously tired that i seem to have totally bypassed the state of actually feeling tired & went right onto the state of being robotic. which is awesome!

so the first time my car wouldn't start, i was across the street from work getting gas. cos i was so low that i didn't know if i could actually make it across the street & back without breaking down.  (i know i know. i can hear both my father & father in law clicking their tongues at me & rambling about always keeping the gas tank above the halfway line.....) & my car just up & died right there at the pump. it was full of gas & it wouldn't start! luckily a really nice dude named tom could tell by the way that my engine was clicking (& not turning over) & my confused look & perhaps he heard my conversation to zane, holding up the phone & asking: "um, what does this mean?"

so anyway. he jumped my car. sweet.

fast forward to this morning. 6 days later.  & it happens again. this time a jump start is so not working.  enter cranky husband who dials the mechanic like 3x in a row until he finally picks up.

find out we had a bad battery. but the mechanic doesn't have this battery in stock. of course.

so he goes to another parts store & installs it.  then takes the car back to the mechanic to make sure we don't have a bad alternater too that may decide to kill this battery.  thankfully the alternator is fine.

while zane is doing all this i'm at tj maxx trying to return the talking fly swatter i'd given to my brother as part of a birthday gift.  (it should've been awesome, it had different sayings like "flight cancelled" & "hasta la vista baby." but no... it didn't work.) & since i'd thrown away the receipt, the cashier was not feeling sympathetic for my dilemma.  i was feeling annoyed that i lost the $$ on the swatter & the shipping too & for jipping my brother. but then miraculously they find a swatter in clearance & gave me that price in store credit.  it was better than nothing. 

anyway all the morning drama totally busts my plan to take a leisurely stroll thru the farmers market with my dogs & hubby.  something we haven't had the chance to do in months. & something that i'd been thoroughly looking forward too.  we only had a half hour before zane had to get back to work & most of the vendors were already packing up for the day & two of our faves had already left so that was a bummer. 

but we did get to have an iced almond latte & a mango smoothie & a key lime tart & good conversation with our old neighbors at their coffee shop.

& we did get some fresh fruit to make a fruit salad for our get together this weekend with a handful of friends. (yay! something i'm really looking forward to & need!) & a giant bag of kettle korn.  & some corn on the cob. & we saw washington cherries which made me oh so happy.

& the highlight of the whole week was one of my oldest friends announcing her engagement to her high school sweetheart of like 6-years (is it possibly 7?) & then asked me to be a bridesmaid to boot!  so now even tho we decided to not go home this year (for the first time in 3-years!) i get to squeeze in a quick trip to my home town after all.  thanks nay!  we will both be variations of "mrs. bun's" now. i think it's great!!  we all went to high school together til nay ditched us her junior year.  kevin single-handedly helped me pass my auto tech class that year. & we three made many many many fun memories that will always be fondly remembered.  now to see them sealing the deal is a true delight.  i couldn't be happier to be apart of their day! 

i've been bombarding nay with daily texts asking all the important girly details.  it's been oh-so-fun=-)  so now my head is swimming with all things wedding.  & i'm loving every minute! thinking about someone else's wedding is so much more fun then your own.  especially someone like nay who of all people totally deserves this day!

anyway all these things have made for quite the week.  hopefully next week will be calmer?  at least i was too busy to feel overly nostaligic about not being at grandpa & gramma's for the 4 of july. 

looking forward to a weekend with friends.  less work.  getting cpr-certified.  baking with amy.  (one word: "TRUFFLES!")  & perhaps a date night with my hubby! 

Thankful for the refresh button!

i needed to clear my head after a frustrating work requirement. 

since zane was working, i decided to take another drive along these beautiful roads, this time by the bright light of a hot summer sunday afternoon. 

it's official: i have a new appreciation for the area we live in.