morning thoughts

the dishes are done. breakfast is over now. i'm stealing a few minutes to write in my journal. the only sound i can hear is the hum of the dehumidifier. i have already watched the sun in shades of hot pink- literally "pink on fire" rise over the ocean. the ocean is smooth- unruffled by surf during this still, quiet hour of day. it's only 7:48 on this saturday morning & yet it feels so very full already.

i've just shared breakfast with my husband & tom, our worker. he wanted old-fashion-oats. this makes me secretly happy because i keep a stash just for occasions like these. it's like the brother worker breakfast of champions- i feel like all the brothers who have stayed with us like their oats & tom confirms this for himself anyway with a simple, "i could eat oats everyday." it makes me smile to think back to my oat-craving-days that coincided with ashlee's. actually more accurately they were my brown sugar days with a little oats mixed in. not gonna lie.

everything seems a little clearer for a moment. having tom stay with us makes me think: "why wouldn't i get up early like this on a saturday morning?" i also understand better why i was feeling pricked about my excessive radio habit. waking up to black eyed peas in my head isn't exactly the most edifying thing to bring to the breakfast table. i'm vowing to work on this. i'm also feeling sorry that i had rented those two movies yesterday. what had seemed like a good idea then, now seems terrible. not that they are "bad" movies- just that it feels like they will taint my state of mind & chase away all these good feelings that i am feeling.

i opened all my shades. all 8 of them in the front of the apartment- something else i never do. but again i'm thinking: "why wouldn't i enjoy soaking up every drop of morning light?" i even turn on every lamp & light every candle. i've never thought about lighting candles in the morning but why not. it suddenly seemed silly not to. i wanted the faint scent of vanilla to blend in with the aroma of my coffee & fill the air of our home. this is my ideal of what cozy smells like. i pick up our guestbook which has been signed by another guest. the thought fills my heart with joy. i'm thinking that probably the biggest compliment that a guest could pay me is that they felt "at home." it thrills me to see that phrase written a couple times.

quiet conversation flows. tom is soft-spoken so even tho i'm not that "loud" of a person i feel like i should turn down my volume. i felt too loud. we talk about the 6-workers (including tom) who are responsible for the entire state of florida. two of these which are not fully able anymore. it breaks my heart. i feel a mix of helplessness & desperation. i know in that moment that i must pray harder. the florida staff is also expected to help in the caribbean, specifically the bahamas & cayman islands. so kayla & irene who labor in miami are there for 6-weeks helping. even tho it means stretching even thinner- it's exciting to hear that 7-9 new people are showing up consistently at gospel meetings there right now. i am more aware of growth & new interest here (in florida) than i ever have been before.

i am so thankful for this wonderful morning.