singin the homesick blues

"Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect."
-Chief Seattle

that quote along with a clip about a 7-foot-tall 12-year-0ld from Ellensburg were discovered in the Palm Coast edition of our Coffee News! that Zane & i read every thursday. add landing in Jacksonville & being greeted with a more overcast sky then in any of our 10-days in Washington & i thought i was thrilled. but in my frustration a few days later... think throwing open all the curtains in the apartment to let in as much light as possible - yanking out all of the wall fragrances - & glaring disgustedly at all of our dark furniture... a few explanations came to mind. maybe a). boredom (i am unemployed after all) b). Miami & all it's light & color could still be swimming thru my veins... but then it kinda hit me like a ton of bricks: i. am. homesick. it explained why i had been dreading calling Ash- making that first phone call solidified that we were here & a few thousand miles from home. it explained my extreme disappointment when Mama Cindy called to say she'd be arriving a few days later then originally expected. it explains why i couldn't make myself take off my chunky knit sweater that i'd worn in Seattle in spite of the 90+ degree temperature reading & feeling an absolute need to go to Starbucks. all the smells in my house were reminding me of our house pre-Washington, feeling like it was just yesterday that we were anticipating our trip home & we're back already. i'm super sensitive to smells- & anything that reminds me of something sad pretty much gets kicked to the curb. even last night, i needed to get out of the house so we decided to get some late-night apps at The Fisherman's Net & i happen to look up & see that we're sitting below a Washington state license plate. it was such an exasperating feeling. i feel like it gets harder & harder to leave every year. this year more then ever felt like every turn was a reminder of how much Washington fits us like a glove & how out of place we really are in Florida. even little things like after 2.5 years when i look outside & see grey skies my brain still translates that it's necessary to put on a sweater. & the heat wave that i'm met with walking out the front door still has a way of surprising me. how do you switch 17-years of what grey means? i felt so validated when we were in Miami & the sky turned grey for a bit & Jess said: "wow, it looks cold out there." it was such a "yes! i'm not crazy!" moment.

all the same we both feel like we aren't done with Florida yet. our peace here still trumps any feelings of homesickness. so right now i'm choosing to focus on how much fun it's going to be to introduce Mama Cindy to Florida & be reminded of the things that we have grown to love about this place & the things that have shaped this place into the beautiful & life-altering experience it has been for us.

and today, when the rain came, i put on my rain boots & armed myself with my new bright-yellow umbrella & just stood under the falling rain & simply breathed for awhile.