shopping/anthro/jax

i would soooo rather shop by myself. unless it's with her.  =)  she's a good shopping mate.

i NEVER try anything on at anthro, it's too much like throwing candy in front of a kid & it's sooo far outside the realm of any shopping budget i'll probably ever have.  but this time i did.  it was so fun.  i just got something from clearance & a few books & knick knacks.  & drooled over the pieces i left behind. the fitting room alone could've been a tiny studio apartment.  we thoroughly enjoyed our time in it.

st. augustine

(i don't know how to flip these on my work computer, sorry)

zane & ash & johnny had a lovely date on saturday afternoon.  they shared walks in st. augustine, fresh gelato & cupcakes from lulis.  they let me stay home & sleep because my sore throat & stuffy nose were being rather demanding at the time.  junebug snuggled with me & filled me with lots of warm fuzzies.

**junebug enjoyed tearing up my used kleenexes.  amusing

friday

"Excuse me, chauffer, may we snag a lift to the seashore? & i promise i'll tickle your neck with this hanger."

things i'll remember about this friday:
-getting lost in orlando, but finding a new, cheaper way to the airport
-feeling the restfulness of embracing your best friend, knowing she is all yours for the next 7ish days (how do YOU spell relief?)
-meeting my 2 best friends at the bookstore after work & being the recipient of sweet gifts like not 1, but 2 cds from my Husband & a box of soothing Gypsy Cold Care Herbal Tea Samplers from Ash
-the wind.  whipping our hair into a frenzy & carving cool patterns in the sand
-feelings of comfort

current life status

i've had a cold since tuesday- that means a) my throat is on fire & b). i can't breathe thru my nose.  i'm also sleep deprived from staying up late to complete the apartment projects... which isn't helping my cause.  (BUT THE APT. LOOKS UH-MAZING!!)  my husband & my best friend are browsing bookshelves at the local book shoppe while i'm stuck at work for another hour. but i've gotta say: life is just so dang good!

i picked up my best friend from the airport this morning.  by morning, i really mean the.crack.of.dawn. -no really i was driving at 5-something this a.m. & even tho i have driven to the orlando airport many times i got super lost.  i may or may not have missed an exit somewhere.  anyway i ended up bypassing the usual tollbooths & only paying like $2.75 vs. the usual $6, so "the scenic route" ended up working out in my favor.  not in ash's however.  i made her wait outside the baggage claim way longer than she should've had to wait (my bad bestie!) 

we had Terminal B to ourselves & we took full advantage: screaming & hugging & pinching each other- "is it really you!?"  such.a.great.moment.  i felt like i took a breath of fresh air. like i could breathe better (tho methaphorically- not physically, thx to this cold, ha).  having my bestest girl friend by my side feels like such a relief.

taking her luggage up to the apt. & getting her settled into her bedroom felt soooo wonderful.  i think she should just stay. like permanently.  anyway i'm going to enjoy every minute til thursday.

pix to come soon of the 2 new guest rooms.  many many many many many thanks go to the husband.  he put in more hours then i did, painting & such.  he called me pathetic cos i kept dribbling on the carpet.  (i'm a really efficient scrubber tho- all we had was oxyclean laundry stain remover.  worked pretty well actually)  + his arms are a little longer.  he also built the new bookshelf.  which we already had until he came into the bedroom the other day & said: "do you want the good news or the bad news?"  i said: "um, both please."  he said: "well, you're getting a new bookself b/c.......... i just busted the old one."  haha, i burst out laughing when he told me. i had no attachment whatsoever to the old one so i was rather excited that i'd get a new one.  anyway he built it. duh. i am so not efficient when it comes to drills & nails.  & he installed the shelves in our living room. & he's installed all 4 new curtain rods that are now in our place.  (we LOVE the dark!!! or rather... the ability to darken a space if we so desire maybe & also theres the whole walking around nekkid without giving the neighbors a show)  i am moving up in the world tho... i totally unscrewed all the switch plates all by myself & i'm a master taper.  & i rolled paint on every surface within in my reach (well not really, but it's something i can do to attempt to be helpful).  & i put up the adhesive chandelier at 2 something this a.m. (when i couldn't sleep because helllloo... ashlee was coming in like... 4 hours!!!)  so yah, basically i did nothing, i'm just trying to make myself feel better.  zane is the best husband ever.  it's so sexy that he's so good at doing all these things.  i'm so proud of him because he can fix like anything, & i know if he doesn't know how he has this eagerness to learn whatever it is he needs to.  anyway, that was my little cheer speech for my lover.  you rock babe! 

i put in some "excrutiating" hours at the antique store... & by excrutiating i really mean exhilarating!!!!  i had so much fun yesterday afternoon browsing my favorite antique store in holly hill picking out knick knacks for the guest bedroom to add charm & character.  i got some sweeeeeet treasures.  pics are coming eventually.  i let ash pick which bedroom she wanted, i secretly picked out which one i thought she'd choose.  my personal favorite of the two... & she did.  & it's the one with the cool knick knacks from the antique store. 

anyway this has gone on quite awhile.  i am super bored & super happy with my life.  apparently that means i have a lot to say!

i feel strong & free & content.  yay!

i heart maxine

haha, you smiled.  i saw it.  as maxine's coffee mug proudly says: i love my attitude problem! amen. 

thanks aunt alice for this fun email!

(& don't you worry, it's day 11 of my tobacco-free life)

this made my heart smile

i received this email from zane's uncle corrin.  i can't get over how sweet it is!!!

When hurricane Hannah separated two white tigers from their mother, Anjana came to the Rescue. Anjana, a chimp at TIGERS in South Carolina, became surrogate mum and playmate to the cubs, even helping with bottle feeding, according to The Sun. But here's the truly amazing part: This is something Anjana does all the time, having helped raise leopard and lion cubs on several occasions.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened."


~ Anatole France

wonderful things

a card from my love, just because

zane's awesome new tie.  he wore it with a pale lavender dress shirt & his soft wool butterscotch-colored pants i got him from banana.  he looked smashing

i went thru my closet & found this scarf.  i remembered the way laura had draped hers when she came to visit me in florida. i tried it. zane called me his little arabic girl all day

zane concentrating really hard on his secret societies book he just bought.  has been glued to it ever since

i read "don't sweat the small stuff" & "simple truths" -good inspirational prose to keep fresh in my mind

the 4 of us took afternoon naps to the sounds of rain & sarah maclachlan

junebug curled under zanes leg.  i lifted up the blanket to show you- how could this little one not melt your heart!?

we gave them their first baths with us.  they didn't try to fight it.  they just stood there & let us lather them up with doggie shampoo.  junebug even let me blow dry her a little.  johnny ran away.

pix of our new living room- it finally feels cozy & homey.  i told zane that it feels like the first "grown up" living room we've ever had.  i'm not even sure i can pinpoint exactly why i feel like that.  anyway the feel of the room is totally thanks to zane.  he picked out pretty much everything.

it was overcast & stormy most of the afternoon... lots of rain showers & thunder.  the first thunderstorm we've had in awhile.  it was the kind of thunder that makes you believe there really could be giants in the sky bowling like the stories you read about when you're a kid.

the evening ended with a rainbow.  the apartments were glowing in the sun. so pretty

it was wonderful, quality, cozy family time.  couldn't really ask for more.

a perfectly wonderful cozy weekend in pictures

smells

isn't it weird where smells can take you?  i went to hawaii this evening when i was stocking frozen mango used for smoothies.  twenty pounds of freshly frozen mango totally smells like my memories of hawaii over the years. 

& then unexplainably, when i was walking into work one morning, i smelled a boat marina & i went back & visisted my childhood where i spent many many saturdays on a boat & around marinas.  maybe some salty air drifted up from the ocean, i donno.  but it was both the salty air & that fiberglass smell.  i can picture myself watching the boat launch scoop the boats in & out of the water, half in awe, half in fear that the boat would somehow slip.  i remember walking down steep ramps & that meant that the tide was either really high (or really low- i can't remember) & looking thru the water to see the orange starfish & sometimes a jellyfish.  i remember the times dad would let me sit up on the bow & straddle the rails & the wind would whip my hair into a knotty mess. i remember spending the night on the boat.  on one summer night dad called into his favorite oldies station & requested "summer in the city."  sometimes we would go dock downtown seattle by anthonys fish bar & walk around bell street pier. i remember bringing chapter books to read "below deck" because boating "bored" me. now i wish i could go back & appreciate it more. 

it's official!

when i got to work this morning, i checked my email & bank account like i usually do on paycheck fridays.  i noticed that our check for johnny & junebug finally went thru after 3 weeks.  they had told us that they would hold the check for a few weeks before cashing it so it would give us a chance to really decide if the dogs were going to work in our home, etc.  & tho we'd more than settled that they'd stay permanently with us... i can't explain it, but it just made my heart smile to see the check posted.  made it somehow more final & secure.  they really belong to us now!

last night i had a good cry.  i was in bed & johnny was out on the couch in the living room- whining.  maybe because he couldn't get down.  maybe cos he heard me crying, i really don't know.  he whines alot.  so i figured we might as well cry together.  i went & picked him up off the couch & took him to bed with me & i cried into his hairy back.  & he just let me stay there & rest my head on him.  i fell asleep with him in my arms & zane snuggled up behind me with junebug curled up between his legs burrowed under the covers.  her favorite spot.     

i can't picture our life without these two.

just some travis tritt philosophy

And it's a goofy thing but I just gotta say/Hey I'm doing alright/Yeah I think I'll make me some homemade soup /Feelin pretty good and that's the truth/It's neither drink nor drug induced/No I'm just doin alright/And it's a great day to be alive/I know the sun's still shinin when I close my eyes/There's some hard times in the neigborhood/But why can't every day be just this good?

woke up- put on my running shoes- ran 1.6 miles- (my first run in months) it felt so good- my 4th cigarette free day- feelin' free - came home to see my family snuggled under the covers- makes my heart smile- sat down on the floor beside our bed with junebug & read an inspiring email from a worker in s. africa- knowing these thoughts will stay with me thru-out my day, knowing that i need them to stay with me- one certain verse running over & over in my mind that he quoted- loving the effect it's having on me- thankful for a feeling of refreshment & peace & newness. 

change of plan

took an improptu trip down to ikea last night. 

our schedules don't align often & i have a serious itch to make our space more "homey" so off we went!

all thoughts/direction/inspiration/colors stemmed from the sam toft print i blogged about early in the week.

that was until zane was drawn to this piece. (see above)

i was so surprised that he had such a strong reaction to a piece of art.  usually that's me.  but there he was "ooohing & ahhing" over this particular canvas. 

it took me a minute to shift all my thoughts from one piece to the next.  but i was so struck by zane's instantaneous excited reaction.  he is not excitable & here he was toally excited. over art!

plus combine all that with the fact that this ginormous piece (6.5 ft. x 4.5 ft - definitely not going to fit in our economy car) was conveniently packaged into a long skinny cardboard box with a DIY frame you put together at home. 

obviously we couldn't just walk away.

so now this is the new center piece & inspiration to The Rathbun Living Room Project.

an interesting delightful turn of events. & i haven't written off sam toft.  the whimsical Mustards might make an appearance yet in our next project.  =)

yesterday

johnny's got some yoga moves!  "downward facing dog"

he's a good spooner, what can i say?  we made cornbread together

2 months now....

we both had the day off so we enjoyed being mostly lazy together...

we tooks lots of cat naps, made french dip & corn bread for lunch, watched a couple movies, sat in the hot tub for awhile, got chinese take-out, ran a couple errands. 

i tried in vain to relax. 

i needed the running dialogue in my head of all the things i was/am worrying about to stop, so i decided to "free write" & just spill my head onto paper. 

and then i had a panic attack.  so zane held me while the tears flowed.  it was a relief to release some of the pent up stress inside me. 

i doubled my medication dosage as of yesterday.  so hopefully it can continue to take the edge off of impending stress triggers.

"The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality."

vi-tal-i-ty: capacity for survival or for the continuation of a meaningful or purposeful existence:

"I knew that the sun was rising & setting but little of it’s light reached me. I felt myself sagging under what was much stronger than I. First I could not use my ankles, and then I could not control my knees, and then my waist began to break under the strain, and then my shoulders turned in, and in the end I was compacted & fetal; depleted by this thing that was crushing me without holding me. I had thought that when you feel your worst your tears flood, but the very worst pain is the arid pain of total violation that comes after the tears are all used up. The pain that stops up every space thru which you once metered the world, or the world you. This is the presence of major depression."

 Andrew Solomon
Author, The Noonday Demon


I just watched a documentary about depression that i got from the library, because that's just what i do.  i thought this definition was nice.  well, nice doesn't seem to be a fitting word, but you know what i mean. it's not the kind of definition you'll find in Websters, void of emotion & personal experience.

Thank You Mother Nature...

...for helping a sister out.

 

my to-do list was as follows before i woke up to cloudy/cool/breezy weather:

 

1. sit by the pool & work on my tan while catching up on gossip mags
2. take the dogs to the dog park & let them run around
3. other stuff

 

now i can really focus on some important things.

 

(not that johnny & june aren't important!!! but considering they don't even know this park exists... i think i'll be ok)