Mother, Father please explain to me
How this world has come to be
Unequaled in her blessings,
oh, I see unbridled hatred so extreme,
please tell me...
-Mother, Father by the Dave Matthews Band
this post is going to risk sounding cliche but i'm going to try to write what i'm feeling anyway. i just watched slumdog millionaire. i've been impatiently waiting to watch it for months unwilling to go to the theaters due to new recent convictions, which is a whole other tangent. i have never before felt any conviction about going to the theater- to the point that i didn't even feel guilt when i went behind my parents back (aside from the disobeying part of course) way back in the day. & that is pretty big for me because i have a super guilty conscience. but just a few months ago it began to feel like an 'unsafe' place to be, maybe just not somewhere i'd want to be found. but this is just me. i believe that everyone's convictions are different -it's not 'one size fits all' so to speak -so i'm far from offended if you disagree. ANYWAY there has been so much hype surrounding this movie- i just had to see what it was all about. of course it's never as good as you think it should be when your expectations are so high, and how could they not be high with all the hype & the awards surrounding this movie, but it wasn't a total disappointment either. i'm left feeling so full. so blessed. & so ashamed. you see these millions of people living in the worst living conditions imaginable. acres upon acres of trash where people sleep & make their home- children picking thru rubbish for food -bathing in polluted water- no modern plumbing -no fans to break up the heat, let alone a/c - i can only imagine the smell... it's really incomprehendable that anybody lives in that kind of filth & chaos. i feel so guilty that i get to live such a wonderful life in contrast. & yet i am always wanting more, more, more. it's disgusting. it's not like the things i think about having are so extravagant, but it comes down to a need to learn to just say "no" to retail therapy, to instant gratification & learn to show gratitude instead for the many blessings i already have. what i have right now is more than some people in mumbai will probably ever have in their entire life. i can't say i feel 'good' about being so aware of my own excess -but at least i'm awake to it. it makes me feel so selfish & ashamed that God would ever have looked down on my life & seen anything but pure satisfaction. and i'm not going to sit here & tell you i have intentions of going out & solving world hunger or work for world peace, blah blah blah, i just want to work on me. "be the change i want to see in the world" -words of wisdom from good old Gandhi. i want to take them to heart.
I have not watched this movie, but my clinical instructor last rotation did and we were talking about it one night. We were talking about the sadness of it all. But I feel like I can relate to what you are saying here. I have been working with the homeless population for my clinicals the last 5 weeks. It has really opened my eyes to the privileges that I have, and maybe don't even realize the majority of the time. It is so humbling to be with these people who have almost nothing to their name, and still they are so content with what they have. What is scary to me is they look to me even if only for what my education has to offer them, and they see it as 'golden', when often it is the very thing I take for granted. It has truly sent my perspective of my life spinning, and makes me feel so embarrased, so ashamed of all I have taken advantage of day in and day out.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting to read your perspectives on things/life/etc. I've heard about that movie (not seen it) but it does sound interesting to say the least, but sounds like it has given you a different/better perspective on life and what is attached to it! We often place so much emphasis on what we HAVE and what we WANT when really we need so little and could all live on less than we do have! Just to keep that focus not just today, but everyday! It's a feat in and of itself. But with the help of God, all things are possible. Love you, mama
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