day 1, part 2

45-minutes until i had to leave to pick up my new prescription before the pharmacy closed & make it to my 6 o'clock counselling appointment on time.  i took a shower, but i didn't have the energy to wash my hair. i brushed my teeth, washed my face & body & changed underwear for the first time in over 24-hours.

then i talked to my mom. i use to talk to her almost everyday, sometimes several times a day. i haven't done that in weeks. a definite sign that i was going downhill.  come to find out she is dealing with some pretty huge burdens herself.  i ached. she ached. it was a moment of blending our battered hearts.

trying to find my new counselor's house near daytona beach during the weekend of the daytona 500 race. crazy.  cindy came with me.  she wanted to go to a movie & i wanted a distraction.  so i told her i'd treat for her birthday after my session.  i called julian my counselor on the way to reconfirm directions. she said she'd just put a pot of tea on the stove, and wondered if i'd like a cup? i liked her so much in that moment, and i hadn't even met her.
on that note, choosing a counselor is such an initimidating thing.  i hate it.  you get a list of providers from your insurance and you have to choose one based on...  a name? an address?  choosing someone that you click with & want to spill your guts to & build trust with based on these two facts is scary. this time i had four to choose from. i called three and left messages. the 4th one was located too far from me. i only got one call back. i hoped this was fate stepping in and choosing for me.   

we finally got past all the race traffic & found julian's house.  she greeted us with an extra cup of tea (with a matching saucer!) for cindy to enjoy in the car while she waited for me.  her house was so charming & wholly me.  rich, dark hardwood floors, vintage bungalow style windows & moldings, velvet furniture, two-loud-ticking wall clocks that didn't tick in sync... beautiful things.... surely a good sign?