new beginnings

sitting at the drs. office. feeling the weight of the long road ahead of me pressing down on me.  knowing there is no turning back now.  turning back is what i've been doing.  it's time to move forward now. i know that.  i feel that.  i'm ready.  i'm ready to fix me for me, instead of fixing myself to be what i think someone else needs me to be.  i'm ready to invest in my own health. i'm ready to begin to love myself.  & maybe then i can begin to be a better friend, a better wife, a better daughter, a better sister, a better biological mother, a better in-law, a better co-worker, a better person.  i want to know better how to accept help. i know i can't do this in my own strength. i want to accept that. 
step one. admit i have problem(s). be humble.
step two: apologize a lot. but only apologize for the right things.  don't apologize just so someone won't walk away from my life.
step three: go to the dr. give medication a fair & valid try.  don't give up after a month.
step four: see a counselor. give her a fair & valid try. don't give up after a month.
step five: pray a lot. for guidance, strength, forgiveness, hope. 
step six: put one foot in front of the other. live. function.
step seven: focus on what is good. believe in what is good.
step eight: love those who haven't walked away yet. show them i care & i notice them not leaving.
step nine: cry if necessary.
step ten: just breathe. inhale. exhale. accept the process.