A word on humor

It was one of those magical moments where i was bursting at the seams to show Zane something funny & i just knew he would think it was funny too.  i adore that moment where you're waiting anxiously for them to read the punch line & then the immense joy you feel when you finally hear that familiar laughter you knew was coming...  aw...such a good feeling.  To be on the same humor wave-length is so necessary.   

Out with the old...

Zane is unlike me in the sense that he doesn't need to regularly purge his possesions like i do.  Hence the reason he has a ridiculous amount of clothing, some dating back to his freshman year of high school.  That makes them, let's see... like 9-years old.  I can hardly keep things for 9-months.  Anyway, his neck grew an inch, and breathing was becoming a hazard. 

To see all these shirts bound for Goodwill was positively euphoric. 

A word on watches

To know me is to know how much i hate watches.  So it would only  make sense that i would find one i love on a counter at Blockbuster.  Yah, that's right, i'm the kind of girl who buys $8 watches at Blockbuster after years of despising them. 

In my defense, wearing one at work is useful. 

You, Me & St. Augustine

 My portal into the natural world & enjoying my baby steps.

 Tee-shirt weather in February? Ok:)

 A1A Burrito Works, mmm..

Anything remotely retro immediately jumps into my heart.

What will i remember about this improptu date night?  Zane discussing the depth of his loving relationship with blueberries while walking beside the bay at twilight.  And lots of laughing.



weird

people always looks at our fridge & all the pics when they come over, many times they have been people we don't know well.  people always ask who such & such is, and i'll tell them. and every.single.time. they always skip the picture of landon, even if they ask about pics of other kids on our fridge.  it's almost become this silent game i play with myself to see if they'll ask- as weird as that sounds, but it's just happened enough times that it's almost too weird to be a coincidence.  i have had a few occasions where people have literally asked me about every single picture on my fridge EXCEPT landon's, people who wouldn't even know to avoid asking about the picture.  in my silly little mind, i tell myself that God is protecting me.  

it's complicated, how do i even explain this.  

i have never ever hid my son from anyone, if they ask, i'm happy to tell them about him, and even sometimes when they don't ask.   all the same, bringing up such a heavy topic is not what i like to serve after dessert. so until a more logical answer surfaces, i'm just going to continue to believe that God is protecting me in this matter.   

Junebug Turns 11

Our little Junebug turned 77 in dog-years three days ago. 

She's quite the senior citizen.  Today i came home to my (mini) jar of pure shea butter half-eaten.  Can't wait for that to leave her system....

Of course I googled it, and found that i was not the only one who has a dog that's eaten shea butter.  One comment made me laugh. 

"At least she won't have to worry about stretch marks!"

A New Favorite

lavender lemonade.  Mmm.......

Johnny's Security Blanket

Johnny use to be Sal, and Sal came with this blanket, which his previous care-takers said brought him comfort.  And it did.  He loved to lay down & rest midst the smells of the familiar. 

We wonder a lot about what he must think.  We've been told that dogs are pretty adaptable, and we hope it's true because he was tragically ripped from his old life, and it must have been so confusing.  We know he came from a family that adored him, and treated him like a king & then one sad day, a terrible car accident took away their ability to care for their own needs, let alone his.  Hence his new home with us. 

We jokingly imagine if dogs went to therapy that Johnny would be there for his abandonment issues. 

Fast forward a few months & that blanket lays abandoned in the hallway.  Now he chooses the top of the couch pretty much over any other place in the house, preferably buried under a fleece blanket or two.

It warms my heart to know he loves his new home here with us. 

Shout out to Bear Graphics

i love my print, and i almost love the packaging just as much.

i also loved our dialogue while i was waiting for my package.  someday i hope to feel the U.K. rain on my face.

(have a looksie at their etsy shop).

Barberville, FL.

A day for visiting friends in the country.

The complicated side of me

The other day was the kind of day that found me sipping on loose-leaf detox tea blend & [blasting] britney spears.

I'm full of these kinds of contradictions and it alarms me how easy it is to desire cleanliness AND sing such dirty, overtly worldly things.

(& guiltily enjoy myself!!) That's the kicker.

And a word on music choices....the mister & i went to wal-mart & I bought the latest rihanna, he bought jerrod niemen(sp?), a country artist. How's that for opposites. But heres the thing that I adore. We can pop them BOTH into the car stereo and happily sing along to each others choices.

A word on clothes

Yesterday was the kind of day that makes me want to wear a sweater, not because it was sweater-weather, actually it was 68 & lovely, but just because it's cute, and i like it. 

It's from Anthropologie, my favorite store that i can't afford, but i found this 'anthropologie-reject' store a couple months ago, and picked up a bunch of things that needed some love in the form of buttons & sewing up holes & tears (& all for under like $8 a piece!)

This one in particular makes me smile because my friend made the comment that it looks like it has a doily on the front, and she didn't mean it in a good way.  Which made Zane laugh because he secretly agreed.

Zane & I have never seen eye-to-eye on much of anything except for you know the "big/non-negotiables" of course.  So we made a pact when we first started falling in love to never say anything negative about each other's wardrobes, or where they came from... (usually mine from Goodwill, his from Van Huesen)  And I have to say we've both held up our ends of the bargain pretty well over the years.  Of course styles have evolved, and sure comments have been made, but we've come so far as to have 'Color-Coordinated-Sundays.'  So that's saying something.

These days

"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you." - Maori proverb

It was a Monday and it was the kind of weather day that made me R U N from the cold, dark shadows and into the warmth of the sun.

It was a perfectly unplanned day.  Schedules, as if by magic, cleared themselves and we got to spend it with a new friend.  The kind of friend that doesn't live anywhere near us.  The kind of friend that you know you quite possibly won't ever see again, but it's still okay, because the time you get with them is enough. 

The next day was confirmation of the goodness that was in the previous two days. 

Another stranger knocks at the door, and leaves as a friend that we're thankful to know.

What i'll remember about him is staying up until almost 1 a.m., the three of us talking freely about every topic under the sun (literally, from Winnebagos to Adam & Eve), and just appreciating his honesty with us. 

It's worth noting too, that sometimes gratitude becomes deeper and more real when you compare similar situations side by side.  And last year at this time I stayed in bed all day because that was all I could seem to manage, and that dinner with Carl was a miserable blur.  So to have his companion this year accompanied by a peaceful home, and a sound mind is all-together wonderful, and makes for Cloud-9 Days.

It was no ordinary week, but this is no ordinary January.

Two loved ones finally come riding into town in a red Cobalt last Thursday night. Anticipation over this reunion built up over 22-long-months, and it came almost a day early! Hugs like tight, lingering squeezes of relief & happiness were exchanged.
FRIDAY- Sleeping in, the Farmer’s Market, Five Crowns, afternoon naps, Christmas, a walk to the water with the dogs at sunset, Despicable Me, constant chatter plus laughter all day long.

SATURDAY- My second to last shift at a job I’m so ready to leave. Loving the thought that at the end of a long day I get to come home to a house full of loved ones. SEA vs. SAINTS = incredible game. Teasing texts with our friends in New Orleans.

SUNDAY- Mom stuck in bed with a migraine. Meeting with Dad, a wonderful conversation shared on the road, advice given. A true desire to apply said advice quickly. Feeling inspired- ‘if he can do it, I can do it too.’ Loved introducing my Dad to my meeting family. Starting to feel sick on the drive home. Mom is feeling better. Grilled mozzarella on multi-grain plus my favorite brand of box soup for lunch. Southwestern Corn Chowder & Sweet Red Pepper. I burned the bread, and confirmed that ‘a Martha Stewart I am not.’ I think I will always be a little chaotic, messy & imperfect in the kitchen (& most other areas too). I find myself reverting back to my kid self without much of a fight when it comes to letting Mom do dishes after lunch. (I’d do them later, but she can’t let messes be. I should probably work on NOT letting messes be so much…) A community nap hour required. Woke up feeling better & craving Crunch Berry’s. Games played, games are never turned down in this family. Mexican Train introduced… and loved… I spy lots of it in the future. Feeling icky again. Hot bath-time with my herbal soak that I swear by. A hot towel delivered to me by Mom. Straight to bed with hopes of feeling good again by morning. But still, a wonderful day all the same.

MONDAY- A long, sound night of sleep, woke up feeling much stronger. Zane works, Dad sleeps. Coffee + drive to St. Augustine with Mom. I get to show her my commute. Drop her off for some solo shopping while I drive to Emeritus for the first time. Fill out paperwork while it rains + thunders outside. Morning thunder feels like a good omen. I feel calm & strong & ready to take on this new chapter in my life as I meet new co-workers & tour the residence & even meet a few of it’s residents. Repeated remarks are made for a need to have a tough skin; they are internally noted. I want to laugh and tell them not to be fooled by my five feet, but I don’t because I know my skin could be thicker. I’m ready for this opportunity to thicken it, and for my patience to grow.

I probably won’t love my new commute every single day, but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. It took less time than I had originally thought it would, even tho it’s further into Jacksonville then I had imagined. I like that. I think I’m going to love the feeling of driving into the city.

I came back for Mom. She showed me her favorite store, one I’d never been to. I even found something small & perfect for my best friend. I have high hopes that I can give it to her in person in March.

I showed Mom my store. She met three of my favorites. We picked out something to replace my brothers Christmas present that ‘wasn’t him.’ She tried on a beautiful red jacket that I never would’ve picked out for her, but it was perfect, and now I’ll think of her every time I see it.

Next stop, The Gourmet Hut. It was 70-degrees & overcast. A little breezy, but we were still able to sit outside. Amazing in January. Enjoyed the Montana Panini, a hot apple pie cider, and views of the fort. Dad raved over my leftovers.

Next stop Luli’s for four-cupcakes. Blueberry fields forever, lemon twist, Oreo & PB chocolate. Dad loved his Oreo cupcake, he told Mom she picked out the perfect one for him. Double sweet.

Afternoon of naps and games, and a night of Papa John’s & the Fiesta Bowl. Me against three, go Auburn. FB & football. I couldn’t honestly care less, but I find myself getting caught up in the camaraderie of it all and loving it. Plus knowing it’s something that my husband loves, I vow to be more into it for him. What a day. Full. Complete. Perfect.


TUESDAY – Sleeping in, orange rolls, mom & dad get their first peek of the outside of our house, then browsing at my favorite antique store, Our Old Stuff. I find a 1st edition Dr. Seuss book from 1973 that I’ve never read before, and a retro rollerblading Ken Barbie doll (complete with knee pads & a fanny pack in neon colors!) that knocks my socks off. (Sometimes I get silly notions about collecting kids stuff to have at the house). Next, a drive by our counselor’s beautiful home, and a walk down on the canal. It’s a beautiful, but cold day. Walking along seagulls comfortable with humans & sticking my arm in bird poo all add to the experience. Wendy’s for lunch, conversing about wishes to ‘stock up’ warmth from excessively hot summer days & use them on chilly days like this one. Lowes + Winn Dixie for car remote batteries & groceries. Meals planned. Mom makes pumpkin bars. Games. Benjamin Button. Leafing thru Design magazines to stir up inspiration. Kiss the Groom, a new favorite wedding blog. June pees in the elevator, a hilarious first.

WEDNESDAY – sleep in, Zane has the day off with us, get paid, pay bills online, (sigh with relief), Zane fixes annoying work mistakes via phone next to me in bed while I journal, we take the dogs out, snuggle with them, see the inside of the house + mom & dad meet our realtor, take lots of pics, Rossi’s for lunch & breakfast. We are the only state without snow on the ground today. Lacey texts, she is still stuck in St. Thomas due to weather in the states. I feel so removed from all this crazy weather, even tho it is definitely cold outside. Games, thoughts of naps, couch-sitting, joking, snacking, magazine-reading, picture album-flipping, togetherness. Mom helped me try a new shrimp recipe that was a massive hit. I also introduced my mozzarella + black beans + BBQ nachos. Then I made truffles & a spaghetti casserole for dinner tomorrow. It was an exhausting & wonderfully successful day, just like the previous ones have been.

THURSDAY – the boys go shooting at the range. Dad gave Zane a gun for x-mas. He has been in boy heaven since mom & dad got here between all the guns plus constant sports chatter. Mom & I go on a shopping mission in Palm Coast to outfit her new guestroom since she & dad will soon be ‘empty-nesters.’ It was wildly successful. I even found a perfect polo for work & some nerdy, (but awesome!) comfy work shoes from Beall’s, mom’s favorite store in PC that I never go to. It’s nice to have an excuse to try different things. Thai food for lunch…. she got one of my favorites #53 Pad-See-Ew. Then we crashed at home, shopping bags strewn all over our kitchen & family room. The boys are home too. We all laid low, rested, snacked, chilled until it was time to leave for bible study. Drove thru the Country Cooler for water & Red Bull. Everyone is impressed by the busyness of this little place out in the country on a dark winter night. Mom & Dad meet our bible study family. Fellowship is enjoyed. Plans are made for Sunday lunch. Stories are shared. Spaghetti casserole is waiting at home. We snack too much while playing games & waiting for it in the oven. This perfect little week has drawn to a close, with the comfort of another one to wake up to in the morning.

I don't want to write, because I don't want to do the deep thinking and the digging that requires right now. 

Part of me feels badly about that, and part of me thinks it's okay to give myself a break. 

But then it kind of feels like i'm giving myself a break from a chance to grow, and that feels icky. 

Anyhoo, my parents are here, and i'm just going to focus on being present during this time with my family.