5.30.2009
i like the way i feel
today everything felt harmonic. like the stars all aligned just for me. if i believed that anyway. discovering vanilla-caramel french toast on the daily special board was how i began my working day. french toast is my favorite breakfast food & this particular french toast is wickedly tasty. made-from-scratch-batter-homemade whip-cream-crushed almonds with vanilla & caramel syrup drizzled on top- need i say more? i found a few rare moments to lose myself in my thoughts while rolling night-time silverware listening to jimmy buffet tunes drift from the stage in the middle of the village. after a chaotic morning it felt good to be mindful of how delicious a few stolen moments felt instead of letting my brain become a pile of mush until the next rush comes... & jimmy buffet always fills me up with good vibes because he reminds me of roadtrips with my family which = good memories. speaking my broken spanish with obi always makes my saturdays- he lets me speak more spanish than any other hispanic person i have ever met. (not that he has a choice... his english is very limited but still! he doesn't have to be patient with me & he is!) & conversating in spanish is more thrilling to me than i can express! & then i felt peculiarly in touch with my girly side today. i found myself getting energized from conversations between my fellow co-workers & customers. free-flowing discussions on very gender-specific subject-matter. feeling a bond that isn't usually there. hiding a secret smile when larry's usual shenangians backfire on him. he is your straight-out-of-a-movie-staten-island-in-your-face-new-yorker & if you don't understand him he can be very offensive. (& if you do know him- you put up with his foolishness because he is a big bag of sugar underneath his gruff exterior). so when he yelled at me in front of some customers- they were appalled at his behavior & left the restaurant & larry had to apologize to me- it felt like instant gratification. the first time that has ever happened in the past 27-months i have worked there & getting the last laugh for once feels great. setting a couple up with menus & silverware- asking them how they are doing... they say "good & how am i?" i knew they were just being engaging in polite conversation but i took a moment to actually think before i answered & i said "you know i really can't complain- life is good" & they smiled & said "ya- it doesn't do much to complain anyway does it?" amen to that. a slow afternoon by myself afforded me the freedom to text my best friend while rolling more silverware. summer-time is our slow season so our mid-80 temps & 55% humidity means quiet lulls thru-out my day to collect my thoughts & "re-group". money is not motivating my day today & i feel good about that.
5.23.2009
i am a woman.
as if i didn't know. psh. apparently i needed a bajillion reminders these past few days because i am just a big ol' bucket of tears lately. so instead of fighting it- i'm embracing it! i've never been one of those excitable people who cry when they are happy but i guess there is one of those people hid deep within me who wants to come out & play. these are just a few moments that come to mind that brought on fresh hot tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. That picture that captures a moment that explains everything without a single word - being on the same page - an email to confirm it -being reminded that sappy is nice once in awhile- that person who was willing to put themselves out there & offer raw honesty -being given fresh perspective -what use to make my heart twist with pain -now makes my heart fill with gratitude for having what i have - a text message received reminding me of how lucky i've been to have these two people in my life choose to love me - kids who need foster parents - even dogs who need foster parents - a music video that ended with this unexpected message "adoption makes dreams come true."- all these thoughts making my heart ache wishing i could scoop up all the needy children in the world & make them ok with my love - a gift received that's 'so me' from someone i love -that song that put into words the feelings i feel but couldn't express - a song that takes you back so suddenly to the past that it stops you cold & you have to indulge in 5-minutes of thinking of some good memories you'd forgotten - a big bear hug that takes me back to 2009 & oh how good my 'now' is - that patch of blue sky after six straight days of rain reminding me again- it can't rain forever -reading about somebody else's happy ending- thinking about how much i love my own. feeling so deeply the fury behind that mother & wife who did what she had to do to protect her own when somebody threatened her family. & i'm just going to surrender to each moment until it passes. i am kind of enjoying my senstivity to the beautiful side of life.
5.22.2009
feeling blue.
i have this weird problem. i get vacation days & i panic. before they arrive i feel excited so i'm not totally crazy, but i force myself not to think about them so i feel more focused. & i must do too good of a job because once they come i just freeze & i don't know what to do with myself. life is all about what you do with plan b. i know that. but when plan a fell thru my brain refused to cooperate. you know how you can wish so hard to feel a certain way- even pray- you know the way you are feeling presently is not edifying to you or anyone else- but no matter how many happy thoughts you set your mind on- you can't shake the blues. & sooo here i sit & feel sorry for myself because i'm wasting my precious 'me-time' not knowing how to most wisely spend my time & panicing that when tuesday rolls around i'll feel like i haven't rested at all or re-energized my soul. it's just a really awful feeling. this morning i woke up in such a funk. i got to sleep in- i should've felt bliss. peace. high on life. but i'm not. i haven't felt like this in awhile. i think maybe it's because when i work i have something to focus on & i just throw myself into that- but when i'm just at home thinking about how much empty time i have on my hands my brain goes to places that i didn't have time to go before. so here i am feeling funky. & not a good funky. for the first time in a long time i feel like i'm having to search out the good in my day. & thankfully i'm still finding it. i just don't like how icky it makes me feel to have to dig. have i mentioned how much i HATE this feeling. it brings me straight back to a time in my life where this feeling was normal & when it left it was supposed to never come back. but here it is, uninvited, hanging over me like my own personal rain cloud. anyway it can't rain forever. i have been feeling some sunshine peek thru & warm my heart when i think about how lucky i am to have the people that i have in my life. people that choose to love me. people that don't have to love me- but they do. i am thankful for you today.
5.20.2009
rainy day #3
an early morning - evie reading chapter books -so proud at how far she's come - kitty play time when mr. sleepyhead awakes - in awe of all the places water is finding itself when it has no where else to go-"uncle zane & neena" (his names for us) get to take little man to story-time today - then off to the book store for some coffee & some train play time. oh & sidenote- i purchased a guide book to the greek isles -leaning toward that direction for a next mini adventure perhaps... maybe - still undecided?? & bible study has officially been cancelled due to rain - crazy! & the weather channel is reporting rain thru next wednesday - a whole 'nother week... could get interesting=) rainy day #2
this is some serious rain dude. today i will remember that trying to shield a baby from sideways rain & hold an umbrella while running thru parking lots doesn't really work. so we embraced our wetness instead - but he totally wouldn't let me take a picture. he shouted "NO" everytime i put the camera up to take a shot - oh well=)
rainy day #1
we've got rubber boots so bring on the rain=) we like to make 'important' visits to see zane at work. 
thursday the 14th
my first visit to a beach in st. augustine. remembered by a play-date to another water fountain park - this time we get mama's company & happy meals & beach walks.
wednesday the 13th
this day will be remembered by sun - water fountains - catch up time with leala & cira - picnic lunches - whip cream & anna passing her 'boards' to become a physical therapist!Still Raining!
non-stop for 3-solid-days now. & sunday night too. so three-and-a-half. we have received 12-inches in our county & in some area's the water has reached two-feet a.k.a. rain up to your knees! & we're predicted to get 3-4 more inches- pretty insane! zane said there is more water now then when we had when hurricane fay swept thru last summer=)
5.18.2009
raindrops keep fallin on my head
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me'
Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me
got a definite "not right now" this afternoon. it feels... strange. still trying to figure out how it feels to know. anyway. life is still sweet. i'm glad God sees a different picture than i do sometimes & He is leading us.
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me'
Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me
got a definite "not right now" this afternoon. it feels... strange. still trying to figure out how it feels to know. anyway. life is still sweet. i'm glad God sees a different picture than i do sometimes & He is leading us.
hooked on a feeling
i fell asleep to rain & woke up to more rain- take a guess at how this is affecting my mood... i'll give you a hint - i'm smiling. & it shows no sign of stopping - the word monsoon is being thrown around- it's in the forecast all week long. que bueno! the grey skies bring me ridiculous joy. it makes me feel like i'm having the smoothest of days- everything just seems to flow. things that would make me smile on a sunny day make me smile that much wider on a grey day. like aidan & his rubber boots holding the namless kitty. names like frances & gracie are at the top of the list. maybe opal - pearl - harriet & mabel. i adore old-fashioned names! listening to frogs outside the library. aidan leaning his head on my shoulder just because. sharing coffee & apple juice at starbucks together. eating mac & cheese while watching the rain - catching up with ash finally - an unexpected break maybe even allowing for an afternoon nap? organizing appointments. chatting with mama. life is so good.
still truckin
more crunches. the last 20 kill. i know jogging is next on my mental agenda. i tie my laces & spritz on the bug spray unsparingly. i linger by the front door where zane is sitting -reading his book- hoping he'll offer to tag along. yah right. off i go - my 4th jog in the past 3-days. i'm immediately met with one of the sweetest smells of summer - an outdoor BBQ. this makes me smile inside. i run by two-dogs that i can always count on to bark at me- as if on cue when i pass them- it's almost comforting in a weird way. i see patches of blue thru the trees- dark blue today. i don't like it when the ocean is dark- it makes it look cold & uninviting. i wonder what makes the ocean water change colors? i wonder why i chose to run before the sun went down - it feels hot on my face as it sinks lower & lower. i'm frustrated this doesn't seem to be getting easier. some advice i heard this a.m. coming to mind- that we shouldn't keep doing things or forcing ourselves to do things that we aren't good at. instead we should be using our time & energy for things we are good at & being satisfied with the strengths we've been given - instead of trying to be like someone else. maybe running just isn't one of my strengths - well ok - i know it's not - but to be fair i guess i haven't given it enough of a chance. i realize my human nature is just yearning for instant gratification. this is a huge weakness of mine- patience. then i try to convince myself i'm investing in my future- making my health more ideal. but since i'm not seeing the fruits of my labor so to speak- i just want to quit. then my thoughts lead me to this thought: if i can't be disciplined in something as small as running, how can i expect to disciplined when it comes to my spiritual walk? this is the commentary streaming thru my head keeping me company as i pound the pavement. i guess i need to keep trying - this is my conclusion. if i can't have faith that i'll see results from this- what does that say about my faith in what God can do in me. i must keep going.
5.16.2009
green light
Zane & I tested out some positive thinking tools i learned a couple months ago at this class. He didn't smirk once - i was so proud of him. We sat knee to knee & looked into each others eyes & repeated two affirmations - short-term goals we want to reach - offering each other support & positive feedback.
-I walked into Almond Blossom Wellness Cafe. Raw-Vegan-Cuisine. Ate there once. Not gonna lie - it was a little too intense for me. I thought maybe I would feel inspired just to be in the presence of such discipline. I lost my nerve tho. I had to walk out in shame -called tom- the yoga coordinator. still waiting for a call back - feeling like a truck hit me - why am i so tired? i feel disgusting. jogged down to 17th- my mile loop of choice - hoping to energize myself. the humidity made me work up quite a sweat. thankful for cool evening breezes coming off the ocean -ran up & down my flight of steps until my thigh muscles turned into jello -200 sit-ups -lots of water -a million stretches - pleased to remember so many from my gymnastics days - determined to be limber enough to do the splits again... zane offering sympathetic glances as he sat on the couch & watched me -cranked out 10 push ups - pathetic i know. collapsed on my beach mat. feeling worn out enough to fall asleep right there on my floor- loving the breeze created by the ceiling fan above me - obviously my hope to get pumped up is not working - no food after 4:30pm - ok minus a few ounces of my pure oj -listened to a few chapters on my audio book -asleep just after 9. fell asleep hard. didn't even hear zane come to bed later. up early again (yes- victory again!) - another jog- realizing the key is to not think too much. if i just get up & go when the thought to go first enters my brain instead of dwelling on how much i don't want to go - it gets done. sit on my back patio to cool off - enjoy a few quiet moments before the majority of the world is awake yet. i actually ate breakfast - a rarity for me. eggs- oj & some yogurt oh & some green tea. call zane to see how work is going so far- discuss what to have for dinner- decide on salad- baked sweet potato fries & corn on the cob- a vegetarian dinner. amusing considering how much we love our meat. looking forward to a chill night. wishing i could skip the work day between then & now. a slow day at la piazza - ok- considering i can't seem to snap out of my sleepy state of mind. feeling like i've been drugged. why can't i wake up!? i totally killed my plan to eat healthy all day - i ate two pieces of crusty bread & di made us mini croissant sandwhiches with bacon, chicken & honey mustard. oh & homemade fries with ketchup of course. darn me & my lack of will power. maybe i'll just have salad tonight- no dressing. tasty.... (& yes i'm being totally sarcastic) -hoping for the energy for another jog in a bit - maybe with my husband, if i can twist him arm? does me being so tired mean something or do i just want it to mean something? love this waiting game... & anyway even if it all turns out to be nothing (for now) at least it's inspiring me to make healthier choices then i was.
-I walked into Almond Blossom Wellness Cafe. Raw-Vegan-Cuisine. Ate there once. Not gonna lie - it was a little too intense for me. I thought maybe I would feel inspired just to be in the presence of such discipline. I lost my nerve tho. I had to walk out in shame -called tom- the yoga coordinator. still waiting for a call back - feeling like a truck hit me - why am i so tired? i feel disgusting. jogged down to 17th- my mile loop of choice - hoping to energize myself. the humidity made me work up quite a sweat. thankful for cool evening breezes coming off the ocean -ran up & down my flight of steps until my thigh muscles turned into jello -200 sit-ups -lots of water -a million stretches - pleased to remember so many from my gymnastics days - determined to be limber enough to do the splits again... zane offering sympathetic glances as he sat on the couch & watched me -cranked out 10 push ups - pathetic i know. collapsed on my beach mat. feeling worn out enough to fall asleep right there on my floor- loving the breeze created by the ceiling fan above me - obviously my hope to get pumped up is not working - no food after 4:30pm - ok minus a few ounces of my pure oj -listened to a few chapters on my audio book -asleep just after 9. fell asleep hard. didn't even hear zane come to bed later. up early again (yes- victory again!) - another jog- realizing the key is to not think too much. if i just get up & go when the thought to go first enters my brain instead of dwelling on how much i don't want to go - it gets done. sit on my back patio to cool off - enjoy a few quiet moments before the majority of the world is awake yet. i actually ate breakfast - a rarity for me. eggs- oj & some yogurt oh & some green tea. call zane to see how work is going so far- discuss what to have for dinner- decide on salad- baked sweet potato fries & corn on the cob- a vegetarian dinner. amusing considering how much we love our meat. looking forward to a chill night. wishing i could skip the work day between then & now. a slow day at la piazza - ok- considering i can't seem to snap out of my sleepy state of mind. feeling like i've been drugged. why can't i wake up!? i totally killed my plan to eat healthy all day - i ate two pieces of crusty bread & di made us mini croissant sandwhiches with bacon, chicken & honey mustard. oh & homemade fries with ketchup of course. darn me & my lack of will power. maybe i'll just have salad tonight- no dressing. tasty.... (& yes i'm being totally sarcastic) -hoping for the energy for another jog in a bit - maybe with my husband, if i can twist him arm? does me being so tired mean something or do i just want it to mean something? love this waiting game... & anyway even if it all turns out to be nothing (for now) at least it's inspiring me to make healthier choices then i was.
5.15.2009
a happy friday
a big sleepy bear hug from my husband - pretty much the best way to start the day!
waking up early two-days in a row- a challenge i am working to overcome - no rushing thru my morning - there is time to accomplish it all.
i didn't fly off the handle at my neighbor when her boy's bikes are laying in the middle of the driveway for 15-millionth time. i knocked gently - even tho my heart was racing from frustration i managed to keep my voice even & even delivered a smile & complimented her hair. this was a giant step for me. i admit - i need a ton of work on this type of thing- this whole thing of having a soft answer & being slow to wrath - but i'll take a small victory where i can.
i also kept my cool when a massive RV pulled in front of me & chugged along at 20 mph in a 45 mph zone. i passed him & forced my eyes straight ahead- no glares & dirty looks like i have possibly given before.
strollered aidan around the farmers market in downtown flagler -purchased a big fat juicy locally grown watermelon for $5! a pound of sweet georgia peaches - fresh squeezed (like as in the night before!) orange juice - pure! nothing added & absolutely to die for - the kettle corn zane requested... enjoying samples along the way - cantaloupe - watermelon - valencia oranges = happy baby. then we stopped at the humane society tent & it went downhill from there. i am ridiculoulsy emotional these days. andy & henry were there today - waiting to be adopted & i lost it. my eyes welled up with tears as i petted these precious creatures. andy was 'the lovebucket' & henry was the 'old pup' - my heart is still feeling broken to leave them behind. i even sacrificed the $5 cash i had left that was supposed to be for zane's jordan almonds - but i had to give it to the humane society to relieve some of the guilt for not taking andy & henry home.
my heart felt mended when we came home to see mama had bought a baby kitten today - seeing aidan be gentle & lovin on 'lettuce-the-kitty' was one of the most precious things i've ever seen.
a blank schedule this afternoon - ready to relax & enjoy myself some sunshine...
waking up early two-days in a row- a challenge i am working to overcome - no rushing thru my morning - there is time to accomplish it all.
i didn't fly off the handle at my neighbor when her boy's bikes are laying in the middle of the driveway for 15-millionth time. i knocked gently - even tho my heart was racing from frustration i managed to keep my voice even & even delivered a smile & complimented her hair. this was a giant step for me. i admit - i need a ton of work on this type of thing- this whole thing of having a soft answer & being slow to wrath - but i'll take a small victory where i can.
i also kept my cool when a massive RV pulled in front of me & chugged along at 20 mph in a 45 mph zone. i passed him & forced my eyes straight ahead- no glares & dirty looks like i have possibly given before.
strollered aidan around the farmers market in downtown flagler -purchased a big fat juicy locally grown watermelon for $5! a pound of sweet georgia peaches - fresh squeezed (like as in the night before!) orange juice - pure! nothing added & absolutely to die for - the kettle corn zane requested... enjoying samples along the way - cantaloupe - watermelon - valencia oranges = happy baby. then we stopped at the humane society tent & it went downhill from there. i am ridiculoulsy emotional these days. andy & henry were there today - waiting to be adopted & i lost it. my eyes welled up with tears as i petted these precious creatures. andy was 'the lovebucket' & henry was the 'old pup' - my heart is still feeling broken to leave them behind. i even sacrificed the $5 cash i had left that was supposed to be for zane's jordan almonds - but i had to give it to the humane society to relieve some of the guilt for not taking andy & henry home.
my heart felt mended when we came home to see mama had bought a baby kitten today - seeing aidan be gentle & lovin on 'lettuce-the-kitty' was one of the most precious things i've ever seen.
a blank schedule this afternoon - ready to relax & enjoy myself some sunshine...
thursday evening
spending quiet time unwinding together at the library - adding to my collection of reading - listening & watching material.
zane stoked about moving up to number 1 in line for breaking dawn.
ecstatic about finding some travel films on the pacific northwest & west coast.
giving the audio book i just borrowed from the library a test drive as i follow zane home. it exceeds all my expectations in the first 3-minutes. 100-ways-to-simplify-your-life based on living a christian life & following God. confirming the road i want to travel down - reminding me of the life i want to live & the person i want to commit to be.
a forgotten coupon for chinese food found in a wallet influenced our dinner choice. having one of those conversations that you know you will look back on someday & remember. looking into my truelove's eyes, revelling in the future i see in his eyes - loving our here & now & treasuring our past - the events that have brought us to now.
heart sprinting - butterflies teasing my tummy as we talk about all that is filling our thoughts on this day. wondering when our turn will be. amused by recent questions from some who unknowingly are brushing on topics in the forefront of our thoughts- the double-takes we allow down certain aisles - realizing it might not be just yet but still enjoying the idea - the planning - the conversations - the feelings of peace attached to the unknown.
expressing a gratitude for people we have seen who lead blessed lives. people who live for the kingdom that inspire us - people that have sometimes been dealt a difficult hand but have continued walking in grace - people that have shown us how to rise about this earth & how to be used by God & ultimately glorify Him.
i love getting fortunes in fortune cookies that are already true - mine was 'pleasure awaits you at the seashore. ' & it's true- i find pleasure by the seashore everyday.
37-days behind in my flip-calendar beside my bed. 37 mini images of Greece reminding us of our hunger to visit someday. chattering about how ultimately we would love to find another couple with the same desires - to rent a sail boat together & navigate the islands together.
watching our travel films. releasing so many emotions within me as images of my home float across the screen. the biggest smile plastered across my face- seeing the same one mirrored in my husband's face out of the corner of my eye - my eyes welling up with tears - my heart bursting with love for the beautiful place we came from.
a crisp clean set of sheets on our bed. i love to get into a clean just-made bed.
exchanging massages & head rubs with zane - feeling relaxed & oh so good...falling asleep with some edifying thoughts from proverbs floating thru my head - some things i want to put into practice tomorrow...
zane stoked about moving up to number 1 in line for breaking dawn.
ecstatic about finding some travel films on the pacific northwest & west coast.
giving the audio book i just borrowed from the library a test drive as i follow zane home. it exceeds all my expectations in the first 3-minutes. 100-ways-to-simplify-your-life based on living a christian life & following God. confirming the road i want to travel down - reminding me of the life i want to live & the person i want to commit to be.
a forgotten coupon for chinese food found in a wallet influenced our dinner choice. having one of those conversations that you know you will look back on someday & remember. looking into my truelove's eyes, revelling in the future i see in his eyes - loving our here & now & treasuring our past - the events that have brought us to now.
heart sprinting - butterflies teasing my tummy as we talk about all that is filling our thoughts on this day. wondering when our turn will be. amused by recent questions from some who unknowingly are brushing on topics in the forefront of our thoughts- the double-takes we allow down certain aisles - realizing it might not be just yet but still enjoying the idea - the planning - the conversations - the feelings of peace attached to the unknown.
expressing a gratitude for people we have seen who lead blessed lives. people who live for the kingdom that inspire us - people that have sometimes been dealt a difficult hand but have continued walking in grace - people that have shown us how to rise about this earth & how to be used by God & ultimately glorify Him.
i love getting fortunes in fortune cookies that are already true - mine was 'pleasure awaits you at the seashore. ' & it's true- i find pleasure by the seashore everyday.
37-days behind in my flip-calendar beside my bed. 37 mini images of Greece reminding us of our hunger to visit someday. chattering about how ultimately we would love to find another couple with the same desires - to rent a sail boat together & navigate the islands together.
watching our travel films. releasing so many emotions within me as images of my home float across the screen. the biggest smile plastered across my face- seeing the same one mirrored in my husband's face out of the corner of my eye - my eyes welling up with tears - my heart bursting with love for the beautiful place we came from.
a crisp clean set of sheets on our bed. i love to get into a clean just-made bed.
exchanging massages & head rubs with zane - feeling relaxed & oh so good...falling asleep with some edifying thoughts from proverbs floating thru my head - some things i want to put into practice tomorrow...
5.14.2009
abandoning the sidelines
zane promised me he would come with me to this yoga class i want to try in downtown flagler. i may or may not have dropped the tiny tempting piece of info that the instructor is known to go around & rub everyone necks for a minute at the end of the class. that was all it took- he's totally sold. now i'm a happy girl off to purchase a yoga mat i hope to get much use out of.
this also came after he agreed to jog with me down to 17th (a mile loop i like). he totally copped out on me the night before because it was pouring rain. (so of course i did too- ugh - i'm soo not motivated - darn me). so i was psyched when my arm twisting the next night worked... even tho the sky look suspiciously dark. we ran along the sidewalk parallel to the ocean - the ocean was dark grey with lots of white foamy goodness. oh how i love this particular scene to be staring back at me.
there is this local magazine - natural awakenings which highlights local events that promote earthy healthy natural living & they do a weekly schedule of all the class schedules for every yoga center (& other such activities) within a 50-mile-radius. & my schedule is going to be a breeze this summer i think. lots of half days. no more excuses that classes don't fit into my schedule. PLUS get this, i got permission to bring aidan with me to 'mommy & me' type classes. how awesome is that. bring on the baby yoga!
this also came after he agreed to jog with me down to 17th (a mile loop i like). he totally copped out on me the night before because it was pouring rain. (so of course i did too- ugh - i'm soo not motivated - darn me). so i was psyched when my arm twisting the next night worked... even tho the sky look suspiciously dark. we ran along the sidewalk parallel to the ocean - the ocean was dark grey with lots of white foamy goodness. oh how i love this particular scene to be staring back at me.
there is this local magazine - natural awakenings which highlights local events that promote earthy healthy natural living & they do a weekly schedule of all the class schedules for every yoga center (& other such activities) within a 50-mile-radius. & my schedule is going to be a breeze this summer i think. lots of half days. no more excuses that classes don't fit into my schedule. PLUS get this, i got permission to bring aidan with me to 'mommy & me' type classes. how awesome is that. bring on the baby yoga!
5.13.2009
fun-splash-park
over-looking the 'most famous' beach in the world. a fun new location uncovered. a chance to catch up with two-special people we don't often see. i see myself making many more memories here during my last summer here with my aidan & evan.
equilibrio
i have been thinking a lot about seeking balance. it started when i flipped to a talk radio show the other day. they were interviewing an author - steve milloy - & asking questions regarding his new book -titled green hell. i only listened to a segment of the show but it triggered a whole heap of thoughts.
so this book was intended to shed light on the environmental movement that is so trendy right now. one point that steve brought out was that those energy efficient compact fluorescent that are being marketed to conserve electricity usage & save greenhouse gases from entering the atmosphere are actually killing people in china- where they are constructed - due to a lack of safety-in-the-workplace- laws, an astounding 90% of the chinese workers that assemble these bulbs are poisoned with mercury. which is kind of ironic right? it's ok to kill people to save the planet?
so i brought this all up to zane- my educator who keeps much more 'up' on current events than i do. & he added another point - electric cars. zane said he would love to own a car that consumed less oil- or if they discovered something clean - like how to run cars on corn oil or something along these lines. but the truth of the matter is (he said) is that electric cars are a beautiful idea -but only in theory. he told me that if every single person replaced their gasoline running vehicles with electric ones today the power grids we have now are outdated & couldn't handle the overload. plus it would significantly raise the need for fossil-fueled power plants which release toxic gasses into our atmosphere- (supposedly the cause of global warming- but thats a whole other topic.) so really these contrived schemes being labeled as 'planet-savers' are kind of just creating new problems.
but nobody (or very few) people are speaking out against the information being projected by the media because there is so much money to be made from this trend. i mean i see both sides. maybe because i'm a gemini. but where is the balance? & more importantly where is the balance in my own life? i take a jog & then i go chow down at mcdonalds. those totally just cancelled each other out - where is the sense in that?
i see this in the fitness world too - people who exercise so religiously it's more of a lifestyle because it completely consumes them & their every waking moment. & then there is that scary individual who wakes up & realizes they can't get out of bed because they weigh 800+ pounds. doesn't a line need to be drawn at some point?
food too. of course i don't mean to downplay anybody who has special dietary needs. diabetics, celiacs, food allergies & the list goes on - those aren't to be taken lightly. but there is the person who consumes anything & everything without inhibitions - like my grandpa who puts a half-of-stick of butter on his pancakes & has poor heart health as a result or that person on the opposite end of the spectrum who won't put anything in their mouth unless it's organic - which is all fine & dandy but pardon the cynic that lives within me- but who is regulating what organic means? am i paying a few dollars more for just a label? where is the balance?
conservatism & liberalism. east coast vs. west coast. believers & non-believers. homosexuals & anti-gays. it splits people & families into two opposing teams - both of whom are equally convicted that they are on the right side. there are certainly black & white issues but life presents so many grey areas & situations where i have to lean toward one side & choose. how do i perceive what is good & weed out the misleading - a path that will only lead to deception?
a thought comes to mind from sunday. someone said, "it's one thing to have satan set things before our eyes to tempt us - but it's much harder when it's our own hearts that are decieved - to get that thing out which is deceiving us. i want to be searched by God - so that i can choose wisely & with careful balance.
so this book was intended to shed light on the environmental movement that is so trendy right now. one point that steve brought out was that those energy efficient compact fluorescent that are being marketed to conserve electricity usage & save greenhouse gases from entering the atmosphere are actually killing people in china- where they are constructed - due to a lack of safety-in-the-workplace- laws, an astounding 90% of the chinese workers that assemble these bulbs are poisoned with mercury. which is kind of ironic right? it's ok to kill people to save the planet?
so i brought this all up to zane- my educator who keeps much more 'up' on current events than i do. & he added another point - electric cars. zane said he would love to own a car that consumed less oil- or if they discovered something clean - like how to run cars on corn oil or something along these lines. but the truth of the matter is (he said) is that electric cars are a beautiful idea -but only in theory. he told me that if every single person replaced their gasoline running vehicles with electric ones today the power grids we have now are outdated & couldn't handle the overload. plus it would significantly raise the need for fossil-fueled power plants which release toxic gasses into our atmosphere- (supposedly the cause of global warming- but thats a whole other topic.) so really these contrived schemes being labeled as 'planet-savers' are kind of just creating new problems.
but nobody (or very few) people are speaking out against the information being projected by the media because there is so much money to be made from this trend. i mean i see both sides. maybe because i'm a gemini. but where is the balance? & more importantly where is the balance in my own life? i take a jog & then i go chow down at mcdonalds. those totally just cancelled each other out - where is the sense in that?
i see this in the fitness world too - people who exercise so religiously it's more of a lifestyle because it completely consumes them & their every waking moment. & then there is that scary individual who wakes up & realizes they can't get out of bed because they weigh 800+ pounds. doesn't a line need to be drawn at some point?
food too. of course i don't mean to downplay anybody who has special dietary needs. diabetics, celiacs, food allergies & the list goes on - those aren't to be taken lightly. but there is the person who consumes anything & everything without inhibitions - like my grandpa who puts a half-of-stick of butter on his pancakes & has poor heart health as a result or that person on the opposite end of the spectrum who won't put anything in their mouth unless it's organic - which is all fine & dandy but pardon the cynic that lives within me- but who is regulating what organic means? am i paying a few dollars more for just a label? where is the balance?
conservatism & liberalism. east coast vs. west coast. believers & non-believers. homosexuals & anti-gays. it splits people & families into two opposing teams - both of whom are equally convicted that they are on the right side. there are certainly black & white issues but life presents so many grey areas & situations where i have to lean toward one side & choose. how do i perceive what is good & weed out the misleading - a path that will only lead to deception?
a thought comes to mind from sunday. someone said, "it's one thing to have satan set things before our eyes to tempt us - but it's much harder when it's our own hearts that are decieved - to get that thing out which is deceiving us. i want to be searched by God - so that i can choose wisely & with careful balance.
5.12.2009
all over the map
"Fragments came floating into his mind like bits of wood drifting down a stream, and he fished them out and fitted them together.” - Elizabeth Gray Vining
i have been conscious of keeping track of all the places my mind goes & writing down my thoughts as they come to me- both big & small , insignificant & profitable. which means i keep a notebook handy at all times. each thought feels like writing a blurb on a postcard to mark all the places i've travelled to during my day.
does anyone else think it's crazy that 2009 is like half over?!
somedays just feel like a constant battle when it comes to reining in my emotions. i can feel one way & say something completely contradictory. things come out so much harsher then i meant them to. are you as sick of me as i am? are you tired of me apologizing for the way i came across? does it help you to know that i hate myself everytime something ugly slips out. it's like a quote i read recently in an article featuring rachel mcadams talking about the novel prodigal summer (which i haven't read for the record) - but she said this: "You know when you just walk into a room, and some days you're just on and somedays you're not? To think it all boils down to hormones & pheromones is a little disconcerting..." Maybe this is just an easy cop-out for me, but i'm kind of hoping it's not just me.
discussing new goals & directions - switching time-lines & priorities. so very exciting. makes my heart race a little & fills my tummy with little butterflies. ready to put it all into action. thinking about a song i heard on the radio today by melissa lawson...
what if that road that you're taking's a dead end
What if love leaves you all jaded and broken
what if that limb breaks you're climbing out on
yeah, what if it all goes wrong?
But, what if it all goes right
what if it all works out
what if the stars line up
and good luck rains down
what if you chase your dreams
and it changes your whole life
Yeah, what if it all goes right?
What if that road is a beautiful slow drive
what if that love ends up lasting a life time
what if that limb holds you, oak tree strong
what if this time nothing goes wrong...?
looking forward to some time away together. not sure where... north? south? inside florida or outside? we're mostly homebodies but leaning more towards forcing ourselves out of our comfort zone of home- exploring the state - the east coast - seems like time is ticking... how much time do we have left here?
i saw a tee-shirt that made me smile. life is short & so am i.
thankful for urges to go for a jog - even more thankful when i act on these urges & ecstatic when zane agrees to come with me for inspiration. still wanting to try yoga- why am i dragging my feet?? i need to call linda & ask her where & when her class is...
finished my book. mixed feelings. its always satisfying to have the closure- to know the end -but it's sad too. it became a comfortable place to go to & now it's gone. my comfort now is getting to start a new book- loving frank.
i have been conscious of keeping track of all the places my mind goes & writing down my thoughts as they come to me- both big & small , insignificant & profitable. which means i keep a notebook handy at all times. each thought feels like writing a blurb on a postcard to mark all the places i've travelled to during my day.
does anyone else think it's crazy that 2009 is like half over?!
somedays just feel like a constant battle when it comes to reining in my emotions. i can feel one way & say something completely contradictory. things come out so much harsher then i meant them to. are you as sick of me as i am? are you tired of me apologizing for the way i came across? does it help you to know that i hate myself everytime something ugly slips out. it's like a quote i read recently in an article featuring rachel mcadams talking about the novel prodigal summer (which i haven't read for the record) - but she said this: "You know when you just walk into a room, and some days you're just on and somedays you're not? To think it all boils down to hormones & pheromones is a little disconcerting..." Maybe this is just an easy cop-out for me, but i'm kind of hoping it's not just me.
discussing new goals & directions - switching time-lines & priorities. so very exciting. makes my heart race a little & fills my tummy with little butterflies. ready to put it all into action. thinking about a song i heard on the radio today by melissa lawson...
what if that road that you're taking's a dead end
What if love leaves you all jaded and broken
what if that limb breaks you're climbing out on
yeah, what if it all goes wrong?
But, what if it all goes right
what if it all works out
what if the stars line up
and good luck rains down
what if you chase your dreams
and it changes your whole life
Yeah, what if it all goes right?
What if that road is a beautiful slow drive
what if that love ends up lasting a life time
what if that limb holds you, oak tree strong
what if this time nothing goes wrong...?
looking forward to some time away together. not sure where... north? south? inside florida or outside? we're mostly homebodies but leaning more towards forcing ourselves out of our comfort zone of home- exploring the state - the east coast - seems like time is ticking... how much time do we have left here?
i saw a tee-shirt that made me smile. life is short & so am i.
thankful for urges to go for a jog - even more thankful when i act on these urges & ecstatic when zane agrees to come with me for inspiration. still wanting to try yoga- why am i dragging my feet?? i need to call linda & ask her where & when her class is...
finished my book. mixed feelings. its always satisfying to have the closure- to know the end -but it's sad too. it became a comfortable place to go to & now it's gone. my comfort now is getting to start a new book- loving frank.
5.11.2009
friday night in flagler
party of 2
zane was quite skeptical when i first asked him if we could get these cute little 'family' stickers. he kind of rolled his eyes but after the guy printed them up & we walked out to our car & put them on he couldn't help but smile... 'you think they're cute don't you!?' i asked him - he just shook his head at me, but he was still smiling=) i LOVE them. everytime i look at them i smile - thinking of our little family of two. can't wait to add some more stickers someday...
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