5.18.2009
still truckin
more crunches. the last 20 kill. i know jogging is next on my mental agenda. i tie my laces & spritz on the bug spray unsparingly. i linger by the front door where zane is sitting -reading his book- hoping he'll offer to tag along. yah right. off i go - my 4th jog in the past 3-days. i'm immediately met with one of the sweetest smells of summer - an outdoor BBQ. this makes me smile inside. i run by two-dogs that i can always count on to bark at me- as if on cue when i pass them- it's almost comforting in a weird way. i see patches of blue thru the trees- dark blue today. i don't like it when the ocean is dark- it makes it look cold & uninviting. i wonder what makes the ocean water change colors? i wonder why i chose to run before the sun went down - it feels hot on my face as it sinks lower & lower. i'm frustrated this doesn't seem to be getting easier. some advice i heard this a.m. coming to mind- that we shouldn't keep doing things or forcing ourselves to do things that we aren't good at. instead we should be using our time & energy for things we are good at & being satisfied with the strengths we've been given - instead of trying to be like someone else. maybe running just isn't one of my strengths - well ok - i know it's not - but to be fair i guess i haven't given it enough of a chance. i realize my human nature is just yearning for instant gratification. this is a huge weakness of mine- patience. then i try to convince myself i'm investing in my future- making my health more ideal. but since i'm not seeing the fruits of my labor so to speak- i just want to quit. then my thoughts lead me to this thought: if i can't be disciplined in something as small as running, how can i expect to disciplined when it comes to my spiritual walk? this is the commentary streaming thru my head keeping me company as i pound the pavement. i guess i need to keep trying - this is my conclusion. if i can't have faith that i'll see results from this- what does that say about my faith in what God can do in me. i must keep going.
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If it makes you feel any better I'm horrible at jogging, but it is something I would like to 'conquer'...and you will see results - it just takes time...I know when I work out I can't 'see' my results, but other people can. I also know that you're probably doing better then when you first started without even realizing it...for example when I first started losing weight, I could barely do the elliptical for 5 minutes...now it's not a problem to do 40. Also with something like the 'mountain' across the street...even though it seems like it kills me every time I do it and it doesn't get easier, I'm going faster than I did before, not breathing as hard etc. Just keep up the good work and your labor will be worth it!
ReplyDeleteLike your analogy of your natural running to having faith in your spiritual life. Keep it up no matter what you choose to do. Exercise of some kind is good for you and maybe walking is your forte' versus running? I've found that running is fun sometimes, but too hard on my body, but I love walking. Everyone is a little different...on the other hand, the neighbor a few streets over is a big-time runner and you see him out pushing is two little ones up hill in a jogging stroller in 109 degrees weather, but he's trying to qualify for the Olympics!!! We all have our own little niche but sometimes it's hard to find it. Hang in there!
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