just to be clear...

i was teasing in my last post... & i love being mrs. R & it's far from hard. being mrs. R makes me feel like i'm the luckiest girl on the planet.  =-)  & not that we don't have our moments, we do. but the point being.. we can laugh our way thru it all & for that i'm so very grateful. 

it's hard being mrs. R!

this is the subject of petty arguments between mr. & mrs. R!  this is our equivalent of the toilet seat argument that is so cliche=-) 

me: would it strain you to throw the roll away when it gets used? (i mean the garbage can sits beneath the counter he leaves the roll on...)

him: psh, you're lucky i actually put the toilet paper on the roll this time!

me: oooooo really....? fine. i'm leaving the lemonade out on the counter until you learn to throw away toilet paper rolls. (OBVIOUSLY juice is much more strenuous to put away then TP)

him: fine. you can drink sour juice.

lol. this was all said in the most loving & sarcastic of tones of course. & most importantly laughing.=-) 

orlando

went to universal studios today.  zane has been wanting to go on the new roller coaster- rip, ride, rock it! since it opened so we finally got our schedules to align so we could go.  it is 90-degrees up, no thank you. i have my limits. 

cindy & zane coming out of the roller-coaster

spiderman shades!

"is this a great body or what? definitely or what."

so this is my "let's try to make angry faces because we're standing next to the grinch!" FAIL.

*rawr* my claws do come out on special occasions.... like when we're supposed to be taking serious photos with my AWESOME umbrella. 

*whew*

have been having a really hard time relaxing lately- as in shutting my mind off & feeling comfortable in silent places & just resting in that moment.  i keep waiting for everything to calm down & it keeps feeling like it's just around the corner & maybe it is.... but until then, i'm just hanging onto the rare moments where i can stop feeling like i'm holding my breath all the time.  i'll wait for rare moments like sunday afternoon. my hubby called me & asked me if i'd join him for his lunch break. so of course i did. it was 4 o'clock so neither of us were really feeling lunch per say- so we made it a coffee break instead.  it was like a breath of fresh air. we got our respective starbucks fixes for the day & sat beneath the sun & just talked.  like really talked. which is hard to do when it's the middle of the day & you're in "work" mode, but we did. & i walked away feeling a little lighter inside & i'm thankful for that.  & moments like last tuesday... after a full day of preparing for a visitor & dinner for 4 & all the satisfaction that comes after you see the results of all your hard work of cleaning & cooking & organizing & you just wait for them to show up... candles lit in every room- good smells of taco fettucine- windows open with light breezes coming thru & instead of worrying about the unknown, the silence is just comforting for a brief moment.  it feels safe, like crawling into bed with your mom & dad when you have a nightmare & you can finally go back to sleep because suddenly nothing feels bigger then that protection you feel in your parents bed.  & i'll keep waiting for these types of feelings to outnumber the heart-squeezing-mind-racing-moments.  welcome to life with situational anxiety disorder.

grey's anatomy

i kind of love this show. it's attachments to seattle are totally irrelevant............ =-)  watched a particularly wonderful episode this weekend from season 5. 

meredith freaking out pre-meeting derek's mom: "no, mother's don't love me, mothers like bright & bubbly & happy &...."

derek: "you're wearing an alarmingly high pony tail."
meredith: "yah, b/c your mother is coming"

meredith after fake introduction to derek's mom: "so it's only fair you should know.... the pink and the pony tail and the smiling with the teeth? i'm a fraud, it's fake.  i'm not the kind of girl that mothers like. i'm not happy & bubbly.  i'm dark & cloudy."

derek's mom to derek: "you see things in black & white, meredith doesn't. you need a spoonful of that."

i felt like i could relate so much.  i am dark & cloudy.  & zane is black & white. & i'm his spoonful of grey.  i like things that explain the way things are in my life. it makes me feel normal & like i make sense, at least to someone.  =-)

tea for one?

not so fun.... reads a card i got in the mail from my mama.  oh how i miss you!

feels like a friday

another straggler summer evening.  this one is filled with the smell of smokey charcoal & the sound of waves crashing while i sit on our patio & enjoy the fruits of my other halfs labor. sweet potato fries & burgers stuffed with different combinations of provolone, onion & crumbled blue cheese. yum! 

& we both have tomorrow off so tonight feels wonderfully unrushed...

highjackers

so we went up to our cute little dingy airport in humble flagler beach to watch one of zane's co-workers perform in his band at the restaurant there.  sweating & swatting mosquitos in late october. still weird.  was nice to steal a few last zane & anna moments before our roomie comes back tomorrow night! =-)

banana

(photo courtesy of: http://www.google.com/)

about a month ago- when i was madly applying to jobs like a crazed woman- i put an app into my favorite store- the banana republic outlet in st. augustine- mostly on a whim.  anyway i have settled nicely into the fitness world & have felt super lucky to have found something that is challenging & new & fulfilling... but then enter this past thursday... when i got off work i had a voicemail from abby from BR asking if i was still interested in an interview.  it made me smile & i raced home to tell zane how good it felt to have gotten the call, but i really didn't think i would pursue it thinking they probably wouldn't want to work around my set hours at the gym.  anyway i finally decided that i would have to at least give it a try otherwise it would bug me. so i called abby back yesterday & we decided to meet today at 1pm & she went for it- my crazy schedule & all! i'm a fitness chick AND a banana republic employee???!!   i'm soooooooooo pysched!!!! 

patience

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."

-Victor Hugo

i found great comfort in this quote.  i had a revelation last night.  i felt like i was being given a gift.  a revelation to commit to being more patient- a revelation that it was time to grow in this area.  a push that told me i didn't have to do it alone, but that God would help me & together we would help me grow. 

apology

i owe an apology to MOUNTAINS. i took you for granted.  i didn't appreciate the place you held in my heart & now you are absent from my life & i miss you.  & someday i hope that you & i can be close again.

psh...fall is SO yesterday. i've moved onto winter.  specifically in the form of scrolling thru dozens & dozens of north georgia cabins promising me all the things i day dream about.... the words they use... "rustic retreat- cozy- mountain-town- serene- You'll need an SUV or a truck to get to this little gem!-  tucked away in the woods- wood-burning fireplace...."  i could cry.  my heart just aches for these things.  so this is our new goal for january... 

 photos courtesy of: http://www.blueskycabinrentals.com/stargazer.html

new shoes

how sweet! after meeting on sunday i was presented with this adorable garage sale find found by shirley &sheila! 

listening to: pete yorn & scarlett johanssen break up.  intrigued by them for awhile- found the cd at starbucks.  pleasantly surprised.  even zane sings along.  fun when opposites collide=-)

weather report

it's 78 & sunny. *sigh* thanks for stopping by fall... please come again soon

funnyish story

i remember opening my brand new giant sized hershey chocolate bar that brings me great happiness, on some days more than others. i remember laughing to myself when i caught a glimpse of a "best if used by september 2010" AS IF annnny chocolate in my house would EVER last that long, yaaaah right.  the front door was open- i was giddy because the air was crispy & cool-& then my eyes were droopy... & then i woke up like 7 hours later & i looked down to find my legs completely covered in melted chocolate & "oh my word" my couch has three huge melted clumps of chocolate on them & my skirt has one big mass of chocolate stuck to it. WOOOW.  when does one's choclate obsession just go too far???  no more sleeping with it! 

saturday's mail

got this piece of mail on saturday.  its from our health insurance & it says: "are you waiting for a special delivery?" made me smile. & no- it's not what you're thinking maybe- we're not ACTIVELY waiting as in- waiting for two pink lines or something.  but we are waiting- waiting for the right time for us to bring a child into the world.  thinking happy thoughts about that time in our future & enjoying togetherness with just the two of us until the time feels right.

GO GATORS!!

photo courtesy of http://www.google.com/ =-)

EXCITED to report to the internet that our first University of Florida ticket purchase has been successful!  feels like such a moment.  my husband (& i of course) get to watch tim tebow play in real life on november 7th!  also laughing at ourselves because the only (cheap) tickets we could find were in the opponents section- so we plan on being loud obnoxious gator fans amongst those brave tennesseans who plan  on showing up in gator territory.  & tho yes- it's mostly for my husband- i AM truly excited too.  brings back memories of going to UW games with my Dad.  walking, walking, walking- even turning the back of my white chuck taylor sneakers red from blisters- eating at thee original ivar's walk-up fish bar- the excitement & unity of watching live football- the view of lake washington- getting one on one time with my Dad.  good memories. definitely ready to make more here in florida. & i'm kinda sorta hoping for some crisp fall weather... rosy red cheeks, mittens, scarfs, layers, the feeling of winter on it's way - yes. i want all of that.

closer to my kind of paradise

i stepped outside for the first time at 2 o'clock this afternoon & the biggest widest smile i could ever smile just spontaneously appeared on my lips because it FINALLY FEELS LIKE FALL!!!!! (for florida standards anyway).  checked the weather & it's 67 degrees.  i actually shivered & it's the middle of the day!  i can breathe....i mean really breathe...  there is some seriously concentrated joy inside my heart right now.

afternoon antiquing

i have had a more intense itch then normal lately to surround myself with old stuff.  so i went to one of my favorite stores.

i was on a mission to find sewing patterns from the 30s & 40s & some vintage fabric, but came up empty.  i did however find this simple, vintage, awesome little raggedy ann costume.  i could actually live up to my email address from 7th grade for once perhaps. i love to add new things to my costume box... 

apparently this is angry raggedy ann.

we even found this old road above, to go along with my "old" theme for the day.  i had fallen asleep in the car & when i was jostled awake because i was suddenly concious that we were on some kind of bumpy dirt road... i opened my eyes.... & we were in this amazing hidden-away-jungly place.  always fun to wake up in the unexpected.  then zane filled me in, said that his curiosity for the bulow plantation that is right down the road from the gym where i work actually, had gotten the best of him.  my camera died so all i got was this photo which is not even close to giving this place justice. we will have to go back for sure.

um, duh!

i just realized something really obvious about myself. someone was saying it about themselves & i had one of those "oh! oh! ME TOO!" moments.  one of those "thank-you-for-putting-into-words-the-way-i-feel" type moments.  i am not a private person.  there, i said it. there is something painful about keeping things locked inside of me, something that just makes it feel like i'm being dishonest, & it's yucky.  & then i realized that i. need. to. talk. to. people. even if it's not totally appropriate, i just have to process it out loud with my people.  so thank you for being my people sometimes. & letting me talk myself thru my life & figure it all out.  it's helpful. 

what i did when i had 7 hours alone....

this is a real model from the 60s. her name is twiggy.

this is a silly girl. her name is anna. she is definitely not a model. & she feels embarrassed to put this picture up of herself, but it's a price that must be paid to show off this rad vintage HAND-MADE dress from the 60s. 

well that took all of 7-minutes, now what? i haven't had time alone in like forever. ha. mama cindy is in washington & my hubby is working late.  peeeerhaps....now that the rain has passed maybe the new (very awesome) crickety old bike & i should get acquainted...

coffee beans & autumn dreams

i got an email from our neighbors coffee shop with the above title & this awesome picture! a local art gallery is hosting a "java art contest" & i think it's so awesome! did i say awesome already?

baby steps

The discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen.
-Lee Lacocca

so here's to writing stuff down. 

monday morning

another beautiful morning. too good to let it just pass me by....

the weekend

this past weekend was full of surprises:  no work. unplanned visitors. logging beach hours- feeling the burn of the salt in my eyes & the back of my throat. a few heart-to-hearts & roller-coaster emotions. a bicycle garage sale purchase. facing down fears....

one particular experience found me rolling with the waves. for hours. something i never thought i'd be able to do.  one particular wave unleashed it's fury on me & body slammed me into the sand & when i finally came up for air, austin said: "it's kind of a cool feeling tho isn't it?" i kind of laughed it off but secretly thought he must be pyscho.  but as i was driving over the bridge this morning & i was staring at these big black clouds overhead, tall as any skyscraper- i realized my heart felt like it was being inflated with all these feelings of awe & respect for creation & then i thought: it IS kind of cool.  i realized then that it feels good to feel my smallness.  i like to feel the power of something so much bigger than i am. & tho the sea may toss me around like a rag-doll more times than it doesn't- there are those few moments where you catch the top of a wave & let it carry you down & you feel like you must be on the top of the world, even just for a few fleeting seconds.

& there is something to be said about the beautiful sound sleep that follows a day of sun, salt & sea. & spending a lazy morning with food & fellowship & a good friend, feeling thankful to witness another sunrise...

fall?

little touches of fall to make it feel more like a homey northwest october.  feeling thankful for surprise visitors & friends to fill the pages of our guest book & mugs of steamy herbal tea.

happy birthday honey buns

i am satisfied now. i made pumpkin bars 2.0 (the cream cheese frosting on the first batch curdled in the hot car & had to be thrown away) & we finally sang happy birthday to my baby- only 8 days late, but that's ok. 

privacy issues

i have decided to make my blog more private.  there has been some recent issues where things i have said have been blown out of proportion & resulted in painful accusations so it's just easier this way.  in the heat of the moment i seriously considered shutting it down altogether, but writing here has been an escape for me & i really don't want to lose that so i would appreciate it if you do choose to peek into our world that you respect the privacy that we'd like to maintain by keeping what's here, here & if there is something i've said that is offensive, please email me or call me so we can fix any differences before rash assumptions are made & feelings are hurt. thanks so much.

flor-e-da en octubre

even tho it's the same atlantic ocean that i drive by everyday on my way into town- sometimes i just have to stop & soak it in a bit.  record highs for october.  super weird!  i'm not sure i'll ever get use to this weather.  but in the meantime... it's beautiful. 

fitness 1 update, day 4

i passed my test yesterday. tho i did put the erector spinae in the wrong place (it's in the middle of your low back- who knew? i assumed it was a muscle that hugged your spine but apparently i was trying to invent a new muscle group- whoops) other than that, i'm officially a fitness floor staff member.  1 department down, 3 to go.  bring on the anxiety!  i also flew solo today , no mr. ron to follow around & advise me which brought on massive anxiety, but i survived finger dust checks from the boss lady/mopping up overflown toilets/being paged into the owners office (way scary- tho very much anti-climatic- i just had to check on some air filters) & my first solo orientation. so all is well that ends well.  can't wait to feel comfortable enough to talk with authority about the equipment & other fitness related questions...that's when the real fun will begin...=)   

lol

have i ever mentioned that i just adore the way my husband makes me laugh!?  he'll come out of nowhere with some funny line & there i am in the middle of Target doubled over, laughing my head off.. & then spontaneously hugging him in the next instant because i just love the way he surprises me with his randomness.  & it doesn't stop there... the laughs just keep on coming when a box of "boo berry" cereal finds it's way into our cart.... & then we see these blue monster washcloths & so the logical next step would of course be to start quoting B.O.B. from monsters vs. aliens -"i got him you guys! don't worry, i won't let go, i'm wearing him down...!"  & then.... as i'm chowing down on my nightly chocolate fix in the form of a silky milk chocolate Dove bar, he innocently asks... so do you feel like a hot fudge sundae from McDonalds? (a suspicious smile spreads across my lips) me: what, do you feel like a hot apple pie? (we sort of have this predictable late night routine...) him: no, i actually just really want a sprite... me: pahaha, your method would be slightly more effective if i wasn't already currently stuffing my face with chocolate!!! he did get his sprite tho.



(quotation at the very end- like the 2:09 mark).

='(

our thoughts & prayers are with my uncle rob & his family. feeling so much for you all right now.

day 2

day 2 of my job. ask me where my gastrocnemius is!  anatomy test tomorrow.  yikes, day 3 might just be my last=)

so many good feelings

hmmm... a satisfied hum escapes my lips as i reflect back on the past three-days.  celebrating my man's 22nd year of life.  a man i think so highly of- the one whom i can't help but pinch his beautiful dimpled cheeks & just look at him with such love that i think my heart might just burst right out of my chest.  that man, you might know of him.  three-days of a convention that we've never been to before, yet somehow it felt so much our own.  being the recipient of so many warm hugs & short meaningful conversations.  making new connections & re-visiting some old ones, even by chance sharing lunch with a woman who shared stories about my gramma whom i never got to meet.  hard to explain how it feels to hear about a person i so automatically love without ever having met her, solely because of the strong bond i have with her daughter, my mother.  stumbling upon a spanish sing one afternoon, stumbling thru hymns with our rocky spanish. asking "que numero & repita por favor" every other song.  some of it coming back, kinda like riding a bike.  feeling excited, re-igniting a deep desire to immerse ourself in a spanish speaking country someday.  being given the courage to fight the "imaginary lions" that live within me & being given wings that made my heart feel as tho it must be soaring somewhere high above me in the sky. obeying the voice i usually ignore, feeling the difference, feeling so deeply thankful.  sharing pain & tears & tight squeezes with a friend battling battles i've already fought.  having the most precious of little girls crawl all over us for a couple meetings.  witnessing new growth in our friends, feeling inspired. sharing dozens of conversations with my hubby spoken in his favorite love language: back rubs/hand rubs/neck rubs...    falling asleep in my love's hot, sweaty arms in that relentless thick late summer southern air- romanticizing about the old south before air conditioning came into existence when these kinds of nights were spent on front porches & rocking chairs with pitchers of sweet tea & familes & friends picked on banjos & told stories late into the night....enjoying convention food  being brought to me in bed by my hubby when i couldn't quite make it out of my sleeping bag & the open tent flap revealing the most beautiful of views.  feeling my heart grow a little bit bigger.  bbqing with an intimiate group of people on the grounds after "tear-down," feeling so lucky to be a part of this wonderful family. zane summed it up when we were driving home from work tonight.  we were waiting at a particularly long red light/thinking about dinner plans/talking about the annoyances of this monday/feeling sleepy from the early start at 5-something this morning & as we were sitting together in our silence & our thoughts, he looked at me & said: "can we just go back to convention?" sigh, amen to that.

snapshots of APOPKA!

he was lurking in the men's quarters during clean-up. *shutter*

our neighbor's stake-out

we just love our leala to pieces.

me in one of my many happy places. think cool fall morning, sharing coffee with my husband, wrapped up in my chunky knit sweater, worn plaid pjs & wooly rain boots saturday morning of convention knowing we still have a full day & all day tomorrow left to soak up.

the view from our tent

my love's pumpkin cake

A BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND. THE REASON WHY CAPS LOCK & EXCLAMATION POINTS WERE INVENTED, I'M SURE OF IT!!