10.26.2009
*whew*
have been having a really hard time relaxing lately- as in shutting my mind off & feeling comfortable in silent places & just resting in that moment. i keep waiting for everything to calm down & it keeps feeling like it's just around the corner & maybe it is.... but until then, i'm just hanging onto the rare moments where i can stop feeling like i'm holding my breath all the time. i'll wait for rare moments like sunday afternoon. my hubby called me & asked me if i'd join him for his lunch break. so of course i did. it was 4 o'clock so neither of us were really feeling lunch per say- so we made it a coffee break instead. it was like a breath of fresh air. we got our respective starbucks fixes for the day & sat beneath the sun & just talked. like really talked. which is hard to do when it's the middle of the day & you're in "work" mode, but we did. & i walked away feeling a little lighter inside & i'm thankful for that. & moments like last tuesday... after a full day of preparing for a visitor & dinner for 4 & all the satisfaction that comes after you see the results of all your hard work of cleaning & cooking & organizing & you just wait for them to show up... candles lit in every room- good smells of taco fettucine- windows open with light breezes coming thru & instead of worrying about the unknown, the silence is just comforting for a brief moment. it feels safe, like crawling into bed with your mom & dad when you have a nightmare & you can finally go back to sleep because suddenly nothing feels bigger then that protection you feel in your parents bed. & i'll keep waiting for these types of feelings to outnumber the heart-squeezing-mind-racing-moments. welcome to life with situational anxiety disorder.
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Jack Price was so good yesterday at special meeting...one of the things he said was about thinking good thoughts when he went to bed after he had prayed...he said when I'm thinking maybe about bad things or not such good things about someone else I don't go to sleep very easily, but when I'm thinking good things I go right to sleep...he said "we don't want to have a pity party and think we can get any sleep." He's 87 now and has such a clear mind and is so kind an encouraging and down to earth and easy to listen to. So glad you could go have some quality time with your hubby and just visit and get your thoughts out "on the table" and then be able to relax..when we're at peace with God, at peace with our mates and at peace with our brethren, our neighbors etc. we can have a calm within that helps us to be settled. You have so much going on it's hard to do sometimes, lots of NEW things and unknown things. Glad you're learning how to tackle them and are hanging in there. Life brings us all kinds of challenges, but God is bigger than all of them and will help us through it all.
ReplyDeleteAh. I hate that feeling of calm and less chaos being just barely out of your grasp, at the tip of your fingers. Glad you had the moments, even if few and far between, to remind you that being able to breathe deep and the feeling of safety & comfort IS still there..even if right now it is just out of reach.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your moments. Appreciated your mom's comment too :)